Meet the new Boss(es)

He'll never wear red again.

All hail the newest Buff boss, Jon Embree.

He's one of our own, a native Coloradan, member of McCartney's very first recruiting class, a CU alum and a long time CU assistant coach.  You can't get more Buffalo DNA than that.

Further, Coach Embree has been an assistant coach in the Pac-10, our new conference.  He spent 5 years at UCLA in the Carl Dorrel administration.  One of the many top recruits Jon brought to UCLA was Taylor Embree, his son, who is currently a senior and the team's leading receiver.

Coach then moved on to work with Mike Shanahan on the staff of the Washington Redskins.  Shanny will release Jon as of Monday to take on his new duties.

Scooter Bieniemy - now in "more to love" size.

Embree it seems was a package deal with Eric Bieniemy as offensive coordinator.  EB, the all-time leading rusher for CU, coached with Embree at CU and UCLA prior to moving on to become the running backs coach for the Minnesota Vikings.  Last year, USC offered EB the offensive coordinator role - he decline.  One year later, he's accepting that role at his alma mater.

My compliments to Mike Bohn for landing this pair.  

The CU situation is a difficult one and needs a very specific combination of attributes in its coach(es):

First, the coaches needs to be affordable.  We all know the CU Athletic Department's wallet is now fat.  If it was, Hawkins would have been fired last year.  Given that Embree and Bieniemy have never been head coaches nor coordinators, their price tag is on the lower end.  

Second, they need to know how to recruit.  Recruiting is the specialty of both Eric and Jon - especially in California.  

Third, they need to understand the unique nature of CU.  Frankly, the fan base is fickle (present company excluded) and the University these days makes very little accommodation for athletes that have borderline academics.  This makes for a difficult situation, one that Dan Hawkins I think struggled to really get.  Jon & Eric understand it. 

Fourth, the new coaches need to understand the past - meaning the special combination of ingredients that caused the University of Colorado to rise up in the late 80's and become a true national force and eventual National Champion.  

Fifth, they need to understand the future - meaning the Pac-12.  The opponents, the landscape, the culture and the politics will all be new for CU - but not for Jon and Eric who have lived the Pac-10 life as coaches.

So the new staff may not be an obvious slam dunk.  They don't come to town with head coaching experience and successful track records therein.  But keep in mind that the last guy DID have those things and we all know how that turned out.

So given our unique situation, I call the Embree/Bieniemy hirings as a job very well done, Mr Bohn.

And since all famous couples are now called cutsie names like "Brangelina", allow me to be the first to dub our coaching couple as "Bienembree"!

GO BUFFS!

Big XII Farewell Final Episode: Nebraska

Oh sweet baby Buddha, my fingers have been itching to type this missive.  Let us begin.

Friday will mark the final meeting between CU and the much hated Cornhuskers of Nebraska.

The two schools began competing with one another in football in the year of our lord 1898.  NU leads the all-time series 48-18-2.

Throw out the record books, y'all.  It all comes down to Friday.

Nearly all of my highest highs of Buff football and have come against the Fuskers.  So too have my lowest lows.

Nebraska, the emotion of playing you on an annual basis will never, ever, ever be replaced.  But that said, I will NOT miss you.

I despise you with every fiber of my being.

You are a shitty school.  Nothing more than a low class football factory.

Pelini, Frost, Steinkuhler (elder and younger),  Peter, Phillips, Crouch and Osborne - wankers all.  Especially Osborne.

Your steroid tainted and weak non-conference opponent padded records should shame your fans and alums.  Instead they collectively whistle past those graveyards.

[Do this:  Google "Steroids Nebraska".  If 20 of us do it simultaneously we'll melt Google's data centers.]

Your self-declared "classiest fans in America" are an overweight, polyester-clad, delusional army of fuckwits.  As a whole, the ugliest cult on earth.

As you leave the Big XII, notice that no one is sorry to see you go.  Also notice that no Big 10 partisans are exactly leaping with joy at the prospect of you marching your stinking army of condescending asshats through their otherwise respectable stadiums.

The Big 8 and Big XII tolerated your academic admissions leniency for athletes.  So too the manner in which you "tutored" your scholar athletes.  I predict the Big 10 will not be so generous lest you ruin their academic credibility.  Goodbye throngs of Nebraska "Academic All-Americans".  What a grand charade that has been.

So how best to bid a long overdue adieu to my ancient arch nemesis?

How about a song?  Lyrics are to the tune of the White Stripes "Seven Nation Army":

I'm gonna fight "N" off

A seven nation army couldn't hold me back

They've always pissed me off

Taking their steroids right behind my back

And I'm talking to myself this time

Because I can't forget

Back and forth through my mind

Like a triple threat

And the message coming from my eyes

Says beat "N" at home!

Don't want to hear about it

Every single one's got a story to tell

Everyone knows about it

From the NCAA to the hounds of hell

And if I catch you coming back my way

I'm gonna serve it to you

And that aint what you want to hear

But thats what I'll do

And the feeling coming from my bones

Says sack "N" at home!

I'm going to Pac 12 yon

Far from this opera for evermore

But before I'm gone

I'll rip the heart out of every Corn

Oh you're bleeding, and you're bleeding, and you're bleeding

Right before Osborne

All your sins are gonna bleed from me

And I will sing no more

And the stains coming from your blood

Tell me beat "N" at home!

I wish you pain and suffering forevermore.

"Hey diddle, diddle, we're coming up the middle!"  62-36 forever.

Big XII Farewell #7: Kansas State

Saturday will mark the final meeting of long-time conference foes, CU and Kansas State.

CU and KSU first met on the gridiron in 1912.  The Buffs lead the all-time series 44-20-1.

K-State you will NOT be missed.

Why do I dislike Kansas State.  Oh, I have my reasons.  And I've ranted on about them many times before (here and here for example).

First and foremost, the school is a joke.  K-State makes CSU look like frickin' MIT.  I guarantee you this - you have never met a person in your entire life who could not be admitted to KSU.  I imagine the K-State admissions office banter sounds a bit like this: "Moron?  Come on in.  Miscreant?  Happy to have you.  Felon?  Bygones.  Satan?  Any friend of Bill Snyder's is a friend ouf ours!"

Second, KSU's success over the past 15 years, while impressive, is super suspicious.  I mean this is a school of meager means, comes from a geography with a limited athletic talent pool, and had been the losingest program in the history of Division I college football.  Yet suddenly, overnight they start winning 9 to 10 games a season.  Yes, Bill Snyder is a very good coach and, yes, they can get athletes into their school (as previously noted) that others cannot.  But even still, it does not add up.  Years from now scientists will discover that we were all unwittingly drugged or otherwise duped throughout the 90s and Oughts.  They'll find that Bill Snyder has the power to bend time and space like a sci-fi movie where all the characters suddenly freeze in suspended animation while the villain walks around their still, mid-stride bodies and unties their shoe laces or punches them in the yarbles.  Then suddenly time begins again and - "Holy shit, what just happend?  We lost to K-State?  Ow, my balls!"

Third, Kansas State has the worst mascot.  The logo itself is an affront to good taste and is the apparent consequence of the sudden unemployment of USFL helmet designers.  And the live mascot is, come on, nothing but a regular guy with a giant stuffed head.  K-State mascot costume designer, you put a whole 2 minutes of thought into this thing (yet were probably the valedictorian of you class).  Finally, this ridiculous mascot makes ridiculouser videos.  Behold:



Fourth, Bill Snyder is clearly a vampire.  He has gray, translucent skin.  He is clearly very old, yet never ages.  Six years ago he dropped out of sight for 4 years then he suddenly, mysteriously reappeared in a puff of smoke and resumed his post on the sidelines of K-State - and nobody blinked an eye!  He has special, creepy, evil and confounding powers and he must be stopped - yet can't be stopped.  For he is fated to walk the earth for all time, feeding on the blood of junior college transfers and weak, non-conference opponents.  Fear him!

Snyder seen here sinking his fangs into Mack Brown's unsuspecting neck.

I could go on about my disdain for KSU.  But I shan't.

So, what will happen in this final chapter of the CU-KSU story?

Well the ISU game was best of season for CU - maybe the best of last 2-3 seasons.  Can the Buffs maintain the Cabral momentum?  Saturday will be a very special Senior Day at Folsom Field honoring the likes of Scotty McKnight, Nate Solder, Jimmy Smith, BJ Beattie and Cody Hawkins.  The Buffs will be jacked and absolutely light it up the Wildcats!  The forces of good will at last overcome the evil of K-State and send them back to Hell with a devastating loss.  Either that or we'll all suddenly be looking around screaming, "Ow, my balls!"

So bye-bye, KSU.  We will not miss you and your embarrassment of an institution.  When the Big XII self-destructs in exactly two years, you will almost certainly wind up in Conference USA and you (like CU in the Pac 12) will be home at last.  That said, you will dominate your crappy, mid-major conference as Boise State does the WAC.  And Bill Snyder's evil plan to win a national championship will at last be realized.  Sweet baby Buddha, save our mortal souls.

Big XII Farewell #6: Iowa State

Colorado and Iowa State will meet for the final time this Saturday in Boulder. CU & ISU first played in 1946. The Buffs lead the all-time series 48-15-1.

Iowa State, you will be missed.

As long as I can remember, you were an underdog. But a noble, scrappy, feisty underdog. A couple of times a season you could count on the 'Clones to upset someone. They played hard and the played well even if they were under-sized and under-resourced.

But, oh dear god, the uniforms. The combination of fire engine red and bright yellow is utterly ghastly and inevitable evokes references to Ronald McDonald. The only thing missing is oversized clown shoes.

And the mascot. What the hell is that all about? The name is Cyclones but the logo is a giant, angry tornado chicken. Scary? I guess.

ISU is a good University. I misspoke when I wrote previously that, of the original Big 8 schools, only Colorado and KU possessed academic legitimacy. ISU is actually a good school with a fine Engineering department. ISU, I respect you.

My most painful memory of ISU was 2007 at Ames when a certain referee of Nebraskan pedigree nullified not one but two last second field goals thereby sending the Buffs to a bitter and undeserved defeat. I don't hold accountable ISU for this injustice but its memory will forever boil in my blood. Damn you, Clete Blakeman! [shakes fist]

So lo and behold, in this final year of the Big XII ISU is a legitimately good football team having beaten Texas and Texas Tech and come within a ballsy 2 point conversion of toppling Nebraska in OT.

And meeting that improved 'Clone team in Boulder this weekend is a down on their luck Buff team who just fired their head coach. They are winless in their final season of the Big XII and searching for redemption. Can they find it in this final match with our old friends, the Tornado Chickens?

Yes, hell yes! The Buffs will rise from the ashes of the Hawkins administration and strike a blow to the 'Clones on a crisp fall day. And the win will announce the beginning of a resurgence of Buff football. A hearty farewell to ISU and their midwest neighbors and a shot across the bow of the of the Pac 12. Victory, yes, VICTORY will at last be ours!

But Iowa State, you scrappy old friend, we will miss you. We wish you well. But realistically when the Big XII finally disintegrates in two years, you will almost certainly not land in a BCS conference. But, hey, the Mountain West ain't bad. I advise you to jump all over that with every ounce of gusto your Tornado Chicken selves can muster.

Goodbye 'Clones. Safe travels.

End of Hawk Love

Our long national nightmare is over.

Do not celebrate because failure is tragedy. Buff fans should be happy to be moving on to a new day. But pause to take stock of what we witnessed. The transformation of a goofy, giddy, youthful, highly successful Dan Hawkins five years ago into the sullen, sober, beaten Dan Hawkins who left office today. Yet note that he left in a respectful, supportive manner without a hint of spite or anger.

The truth is, the Peter Principle is real and Dan Hawkins just demonstrated it in textbook fashion. So dampen your vitriol aimed at old Dan and be ever humble for there but by the grace of God go us all.

That said, I am ever so relieved to close the Hawkins chapter. I wanted it to work but it became obvious some time ago (November 4, 2009, to be exact) that Dan's administration would just never become unmired in mediocrity. I believe he gave it everything he had, but he was just never cut out for the job.

So now we move on. The truly great Buff Brian Cabral will, yet again, serve as interim head coach through the end of the season. The players love and respect him so, who knows, this team may truly rally.

Now, who should be the next permanent head coach?

Stop right there - I am honored by your confidence in me but I simply cannot accept your offer to coach this team. As much as I'd love to, I've got my hands super full already.

Stay tuned for plenty of coaching rumors in the coming days and weeks. I certainly have my favorites and those will be revealed in due time.

But for today, thank Dan for trying hard. And simply close the chapter. Tomorrow a new one begins.

Good night, sweet prince. I'll always remember you with this haircut.

Big XII Farewell #4: Kansas

This Saturday in Lawrence, Kansas, KU and CU will meet for the last time. CU leads the all time series (which began in 1903) 42-24-3.

Jayhawks, you will be missed.

You are and always have been a basketball school. A very good basketball school. And a usually lousy football school with brief periods of competency. I will remember you as the alma mater of Gale Sayers, John Riggins and Dana Stubblefield. I will remember you as the team against which I could almost always count on a victory for much of my youth and young adulthood.

I always thought of KU as the only academic peer of Colorado in the Big 8. In a sea of thinly veiled football factories, CU and KU seemed to be the islands of academic credibility. And in the days of the Big XII, we've remained those islands with the possible addition of Texas. I respect you, KU.

I'll choose not to remember you as the team that became suddenly good and simultaneously suddenly unlikeable during the tenure of Mark Mangino.

But Mangino has now been thankfully discarded and KU has a surprisingly likable coach. The surprising part of the likeablility is that the coach in question is none other than Turner Gill, former Husker great. Turner is one of exactly two Nebraska players who I can honestly say that I admire and respect. Sadly though, the commencement of his tenure at KU has gone very badly indeed. KU has the distinction of currently being the one Big XII team that is obviously worse (?) than CU. Give Gill time, KU will improve. They'll likely never contend for a conference championship but they will requite themselves well and do so with dignity and entertain the denizens of Lawrence until the annual sweet release of basketball season.

So farewell, old friend and colleague. I will miss you. And when the Big XII inevitably augers in in two years time, I hope that you will find a good home in a good conference. Safe travels 'Hawks.

Big XII Farewell #4: Oklahoma

Saturday evening will mark the final game between OU and CU before the Buffs scamper off to the greener fields of the Pac 12. Colorado began its long relationship with Oklahoma way back in 1912. CU won that match 14-12. But over the years, the Sooners have dominated the series leading the Buffs 39-17-2.

I will miss OU.

For me, the most iconic image of OU is the drunken, reckless, lawless red-neck genius, Barry Switzer. Said differently, he's the Micky Mantle of college football. He was the proprietor of the beloved wishbone and inspired Coach Mac to follow in his triple optiony footsteps. Barry was forever off-color, indelicate and rabid with gleeful disregard for decorum and NCAA rules. But he was an undeniable winner and for that I will always honor him. Also, he was prone to doing interviews like this:



The other icon of OU is, of course, the Boz. Brian Bosworth was a spiritual soul mate of his afore mentioned coach. He was brash, unrefined and unapologetic. He broke every rule, repeatedly, especially those involving performance enhancing drugs. He also broke every rule (of good taste anyway) of haircuts - behold the mohawk mullet (the "Mulhawk"?). In a classic moment, he once flipped off the entire CU student section who were collectively taunting him.

I suppose the thing I've liked the most about OU over the years is their hatred for Nebraska. And the Sooners inflicted plenty of pain upon the dickish plainsmen of NU. Hey, the enemy of my enemy is my friend, no?

Of course, the current version of the Sooners don't have the same lovable brashness of the Switzer era. They are led by the successful and talented but patently unlikeable Bob Stoops. They are consistently top notch yet still melt in their most critical games. And, god, Stoops is such a whiney bitch.

So what to expect in this final matchup between the long-time conference mates?

OU is very good. And very angry after coming off of their first defeat of the season courtesy of Mizzou. So they will be looking to incinerate the next opponent in order to make a statement that they belong in a BCS game - still possibly the Championship. That unfortunate next opponent is a Buff team that, already shaky, has been positively decimated by injuries. We've lost our 2 leading tackers (Perkins then Major), our second leading rusher (Lockridge), every damned one of our nickelbacks (Orms, Sandersfiled, Vigo) and now our starting quarterback (Hanson).

On top of that, the Sooners have not lost at home in 5 years. That's right, FIVE YEARS.

So to say that the Buffs have absolutely no chance is to state the obvious.

Yet long time readers of this blog will recall another team led by a certain Cody Hawkins who dared to stand up to a number 2 ranked Sooners Evil Empire. This will forever be known as the Star Wars game . And I think we all remember how that turned out.



So how will the final episode conclude? Hey, maybe the rebel coalition has one more lucky shot.

At any rate, we will miss you, OU. I hope that when the BIG XII ultimately disintegrates in 2 years time, that you will win up in a good conference. You'll likely have your pick of the litter - SEC or Big 10. Shoot maybe we'll be re-united one day in the Pac 12 expansion. Until then, farewell old friend.

Big XII Farewell #3: Texas Tech

Saturday will mark the final Big XII meeting between CU and Texas Tech. These teams do not have a long and storied relationship. CU leads the all-time series 5-4 with a 4-0 mark in Boulder. Guess where this week's game will be played?

Texas Tech - you will be missed.

Tech is like that red-neck cousin of yours.

No, not the irritating, mouth-breathing, illiterate, fanatical, raving lunatic red-neck cousin - that would be Nebraska.

Rather, Tech is the colorful, fun red-neck cousin. Tech is the cousin you only see every couple of years but when you do, hoo-boy! He keeps you laughing, tells off-color jokes, gets you drunk, teaches you how to shoot beer bottles off fence posts while driving a pickup, builds bon-fires , burns your garage down ("sorry cuz"), gets you to hop a freight train, somehow winding up in Honduras, getting elected mayor of a small pueblo, starting a weapons smuggling cartel, becoming employed by the CIA, making $1 million dollars in a particularly shady transaction with some guy named Vlad, flying to Vegas, losing the million, hitching back home just as you are sobering up. All in a weekend.

We love you, Tech. But we're getting a little old for this shit. We'll be hanging with a better class of people from now on but, damn, we had some good times together. OK, OK one more weekend fling, but it's the last one!

Of course, my memories of Tech will always revolved around the indomitable Cap'n Mike Leach. The kooky pirate of college football turned Texas Tech into an entertaining and fearsome football program. On top of that Leach did the impossible, made Lubbock interesting. Why here he is now doing the local weather.

If you can't make time to watch the whole thing, at least fast forward to the 2:30 mark. Two words - raining mud. You're welcome.

But alas, Cap'n Mike befell the fate of misunderstood genius and was last year relieved of duty. Happy sailing to you, good sir. We'll always have Honduras...

So the new sheriff in Lubbock these days is Tommy Tuberville, he the former Auburn boss and possessor of giant ears.

While the Tuberville offense is humming along suitably, if comparatively un-Leach-like, the defense has really turned into a pile of flaming poo. Those guys cannot tackle anybody. Such bodes well for Tyler Hanson and his band of fiesty yet disaffected brethren. Tommy has the cure for what ails you, boys, and it's called "horizontal defense", Tech style.

Buffs win the final match with the fun cousin. 42-21.

Farewell, Red Raiders. We wish you well. When the Big XII disintegrates in two years - which it inevitably will - we hope you find a good home. You'd genuinely love it in the Mountain West I suspect.

Adios, amigo.

Big XII Farewell #2: Baylor

Saturday will mark the final time that our Buffs will play Baylor.

Baylor, you will not be missed.

Your school of Baptist affiliation has been a parochial blemish on an otherwise secular conference. If religion is your thing, fine. But let's save it for Sunday school and keep it out of the universities, yo. Apologies to Notre Dame, Boston College and BYU - but you too are not welcome in my athletic conference.

Your school is located in Waco, Texas, a place I've never been. Yet it is widely slandered even among Texans. Therefore a rational man can only concluded that , "Holy Jebus, that place is a shithole".

"True dat," adds Janet Reno.

Additional ridicule fodder sits in the University president's office. His name is Kenneth Starr who spent the better half of the '90s literally obsessed with the whereabouts of Bill Clinton's wiener. Now he's in charge of educating the young Baptists of Central Texas.

And the final reason I dislike Baylor... two words Jeff Brunner. In 1993, Buff defensive tackle Jeff Brunner - the finest football player ever to emerge from the hallowed halls of Sterling High School - was rolled up on in a pileup early in the contest that would become a severe beating of the Bears by the Buffs. Jeff's knee was torn to shreds and he never played football again. Curses, Baylor [shakes fist angrily]!

So what now to expect of this final contest between the Buffs and the Baptists?

Well, Baylor is quite good on offense. They sport one of the finest quarterbacks in the Big XII - a gent with the very august name of Robert Griffin III. RG3 is the most terrifying sort of QB - the fabled "dual threat". Think of him as the praying man's Denard Robinson.

But the Buff D fears no man and has been the most consistently good unit of an otherwise wildly inconsistent team. Sadly though the defensive backfield has been devastated throughout the season by unfortunate injuries to key personnel. The most recent of the attrits is leading tackler Anthony Perkins - the helmut-less human flight pioneer from the Mizzou match. His was one of the most horrific collisions I've witnessed in my long football witnessing career. Perkins asploded his ACL on this play just before halftime but still played the rest of the game. We'll miss you, Anthony, but I promise you a special feature in an upcoming edition of "Profiles in Badassery."

On the other side of the ball, more bad news. Tyler Hansen has suffered a bruised ego as a result of his inexplicable benching in the 3rd quarter of the Mizzou game. In additional injury news, Brain Lockridge, who had become an excellent #2 in the suddenly potent Colorado 1-2 punch ground game, also suffered a season ending injury. Not good. However, Baylor's defense has become accustomed half-heartedly gesturing at opposing ball carriers as they rumble past en route to the end zone. So we're going to score some points.

However don't expect those points to come in batches of 3. The horrendous CU kicking game continued apace in the Mizzou game where both Aric Goodman and Justin Castor took turns at failure. Both those gents have been relieved of duty in order to make way for Marcus Kirkwood - the giant beanpole of a kicker who (brace yourself) will be playing in the first football game of his life on Saturday against Baylor. Hey, what do we have to lose - let the beanpole legend begin!

The last bit of notable good news is that, despite the road woes, the Buffs home turf is thus far unblemished. The presence of Ralphie makes the Buffs strong.

We win this final match with Baylor before riding off into the West Coast sunshine leaving Baylor to ride out the remaining short life of the Big XII. When the conference inevitably disintegrates in two years time, I fully expect for Baylor to land in the Sunbelt or some equally obscure conference where they should have been from the beginning. Weep if you must, Bears. You can seek solace in the caring arms of your lord and savior, Kenneth Starr.

Big XII Farewell #1: Missouri

[This post begins the series of last Big XII conference games for CU. I will commemorate each with a special salute to our soon to be former conference mates.]

Saturday will mark the final time that our Buffs will play long-time foe, the Missouri Tigers.

CU & MU have played nearly every year since 1930 with the exception of some brief depression and war-era hiatuses. Mizzou leads the all-time series with a record of 40-31-3.

I don't have a problem with Missouri, I've always kind of liked them. Shoot, they wear Black and Gold, they are the alma mater of two legendary Buff coaches (McCartney & Barnett) and they despise Nebraska almost as much as we do. Almost. The most annoying thing they do is run up the score on us during the Hawkins administration and I can forgive that.

The other thing that is sort of inspiring about Mizzou is their current coach, Gary Pinkel. Pinkel came to Mizzou from a mid-tier school, Toledo, where he had experienced extraordinary success. But upon arriving in the big time of the Big XII, his performance became middling to poor for 4 or 5 years. He seemed to be a bit of a bone-head and was solidly in the the proverbial hot seat. Does this story sound familiar so far? But then suddenly in year 5 of Pinkel's administration, the ship began to right itself and the hot seat became a hot streak which persists to this very day. It's an inspiring story of redemption and Dan Hawkins would like you to remember that.


My favorite player from Missoui was QB Chase Daniel. Chase was short, slow, white and pudgy. The only reason that a guy who looked like him should be allowed onto a Division 1 football field is to mow it. But Chase was an incredible quarterback and beat the hell of the Buffs and most everyone else he faced for 4 years. It was as amazing as it was frustrating to see him methodically complete pass after pass after pass. His is an inspiring story of a superlative talent in an atypical package and Cody Hawkins would like for you to remember that.

But of course the enduring memory of this long time series is the "5th Down". And, god, am I sick of hearing about it! Possibly the best thing about the Buffs leaving the Big XII is that we will no longer have to hear this story and all of the associated Missouri whining ever damned year. Look people, for the LAST time - yes, there were 5 downs, the officials made a mistake. But 5 plays were not run at the end-zone, only 3 were. The other two were spikes. If the down marker would have said 4 instead of 3, the Buffs would not have spiked the ball, they would have run it into the endzone as they did on the play where the marker actually read 4. So shut up. Forever.

Unlike so many of our Big XII and Big 8 conference bretheren, I'll sort of miss Mizzou. I wish them well. When the Big XII collapses, as it inevitably will in the next couple of years, I hope that Mizzou finds a good home. Possibly in the Big Ten or the SEC.

Fair thee well, old friends. But let our last encounter be sour for you as the Buffs go out with a bang and edge Mizzou in over-time. And needing only 4 downs to do so.

Georgia on my mind

The fact is that entering game four, we still have not the slightest idea of what to expect from the Buffs. Through the first three matches this team has been perfectly schizophrenic. They play either stunningly brilliantly or oh-my-god awfully for extended stretches but rarely are they simply mediocre. You have no idea how they will show up for the Georgia game. Therefore forecast and cogent analysis is but a fool's errand and I can't be bothered with such.

Instead I will regale you with thoughts and predictions about the circumstances and environment surrounding the tilt. I call this segment:

Grab Bag of Random Thoughts by an Over-tired, Wannabe Sports Blogger.

Vamos!

Black Out:

The kind in which a rabid crowd, joins in wearing solid black

throughout the stadium for a night game. Creates an eery abyss like sensation for visiting coaches (see Bill Steward circa 2008). Also, drunks will be present and undoubtedly black out. Double entendre, thy name is CU Sports Marketing.

Champions:

The CU 1990 National Championship Team will be commemorated at halftime. Was it really 20 years ago? The images remain crystal clear in my mind. It was an incredible team and a thrilling if bizarre season. Twill be an honor to salute them once again and be reminded that, yes indeed, it can happen at CU. Fitting too that we host Georgia for this event. Good UGA folk despise Georgia Tech with whom we shared the title thanks to that sonofabitch Tom Osborne (spits on ground)! If there is one thing that Buffs and Bulldogs can agree upon, it's that Nebraska ruins everything.

Battle of the Embattled Coaches:

Georgia's Mark Richt has had an incredibly successful 9 year career at UGA where he has won the SEC twice and averaged 10 wins per season during his tenure. But alas, Richt's 2010 squad is off to a rough 1-3 start and suddenly his seat is hot. A loss in Boulder may in fact seal his fate.

If it makes Richt feel better, his opponent's seat is positively on fire despite his current season record of 2-1. Dan Hawkin's reign in Boulder has thus far been marked by regrettable quotes, terrible hair styles and the characteristic self-immolation fuck-upery which has become known as either "Hawkism" or "shooting oneself in the dick", depending on who you ask.

Mascots:

Two of the most iconic of all college mascots will grace the turf of Folsom on Saturday evening. Uga, the adorable if slobbery bulldog mascot of Georgia will lead his team onto the field and inspire "awwww"s from cute girls throughout the stadium. Meanwhile Ralphie the gigantic, untamed beast will lead her team onto the field and inspire terror among the visiting flat-landers.

Fans:

Honestly, I can't say that I have ever met a Georgia fan. I have no basis to assume that they are anything but intelligent, polite, charming and attractive football enthusiasts from the South who will impress us with their knowledge and quiet dignity. But instead I will assume that every single one of them will be more or less this guy I found on the Internet. Research, I do it!

Meanwhile, the CU fans will be gracious hosts, scholars of the game, beacons of integrity and, (obviously) embarrassingly gorgeous.

The End:

So there you have it, this week's installment of piercing insight. I suggest you sit down now and have a cold drink to recover from having your mind blown. Take as much time as you need, your boss and co-workers will wait.