FSU - the name game

Yeah, I know. You want to read insightful analysis for the upcoming CU-FSU game. A game that, were CU to win, could launch us into the national rankings for the first time in years. You may want to know how the Buff O can hope to move the ball against terrifyingly enormous and fast 'Nole D. You might want to know if the offensive incompetence of FSU so far this season is an anomaly or a trend. Well, go read espn.com. I've got more important things to discuss here.

[Incidentally, I did just check espn.com and this was the headline:
Ahh c'mon, the Worldwide Leader editors did that on purpose, right?!]

Ahem, where was I?

Oh yes... You see, when I think of the vaunted Florida State football program I think "Boy, I bet they have some *awesome* names on their roster." I mean, who could forget Decody Fagg from last year? Let's investigate the current offering, shall we?

Wow, as I peruse the FSU roster, I am certainly not disappointed. But there are so many gems on this team, where to start? Better categorize:

"Apostro-rific" Category: (surprisingly only 2)
- D'Vontrey Richardson
- Ja'Baris Little

"I'll bet you several dollars you've never met a person with this name" Category:
- Ochuko Jenije
- Nathan O'Jibway
- Toddrick Verdell
- Dekoda Watson
- Ed Imeokparia
- Neefy Moffett
- Caz Piurowski
- Taiwan Easterling
- Tim Orange
- Toshmon Stevens

"Possible porn stage name" Category:
- Zach Hobby
- Will Furlong
- A.J. Ganguzza
- Budd Thacker

And finally, the "If the Heisman were based on awesome names, he'd be a finalist" Category:
- Mister Alexander


From a name standpoint, the Buffs absolutely cannot compete with the 'Noles.

As I read through our own roster, I am overcome with shame. Once again, it reads like role call at a suburban Cub Scout meeting. There's a Gardner, a Scotty, a Trace, a Dustin, a Cameron, 2 Devins and 2 Codys. Merit badges and neat haircuts abound!

Sure, there are a handful of possible porn stage names - gay porn stage names! Check it - BJ Beatty, Devin Head and DJ Dykes. Hot!

But alas there is saving grace and thy name is "Sons of Polynesia". The great rule of the universe is that the coolest, most vowel-rific names (and haircuts) come from the handsome and genetically freakish Pacific Islanders. CU always has a few and here they are:
- Michael Sipili
- Nate Vaiomounga
- Lynn ("That's right, LYNN!" glares menacingly) Katoa
- Sione Tau
and possible best football name EVER...
- Max Tuioti-Mariner


There you have it - the name game. Tune in next week as we explore the home towns and possibly majors of our next opponent.

Go Buffs!

Honey, I shrunk the backfield

The tremendous victory over West Virginia last Thursday was monumental for a Colorado program that has been steadily resurrecting itself under Coach Dan Hawkins. Beating a ranked team loaded with speed and talent before a national audience is just what the Buff doctor ordered. The tough times, of course, are not over for this team - especially with the typically brutal schedule we have to fight through. But big fun has returned, I suspect, to stay!

The most amazing thing about the game was the emergence of Rodney Stewart. If Speedy is not the mythical magical black leprechaun of lore then I just don't know who is. The nearly microscopic, lightly recruited, diminutive, very small Ohioan busted out for 166 yards rushing against the vaunted defense of West By God Virginia. It just goes to prove what the Dali Lama has always taught - "one cannot tackle what one can not perceive." True that, Lama.

Perhaps the improbable image of a midget quarterback and a leprechaun tailback standing behind the enormous CU O-line had a disorienting effect that rendered WVU coach, Bill Stewart, woozy and unable to call a time-out in order to give his team a shot at a winning field goal as time expired in regulation. Perhaps the apparent aneurysm was brought on by the "blackout" effect of 55,000 black clad, screaming, drunken (with enthusiasm!) fans. Regardless, karma wanted us to win this game in order to even a certain score. Win we did. The spontaneous celebration that followed exemplified everything that is right and beautiful about college football.



Go Buffs!

Thursday Night Club

Remember the 80s? Thursday night club - that was so cool! At least I thought it was probably pretty cool for you history majors to go out and party your asses off. Personally I was home, buried under a crushing class workload, sweating stress bullets about how I might never pass that Thermodynamics and Heat Transfer midterm. But I was happy for you. Really. Ahh, nostalgia.

Anyway... Thursday night once again springs magical. For this Thursday the Buffs host the (recently) top 10 West Virginia Mountaineers. The 'Eers boast a collection of speed rarely seen in these parts and a Heisman candidate quarterback named Pat White. Don't be fooled by the fact that WVU was upset by East Carolina in their last game, these guys are for real. This will be a revealing test in which we'll find out just how far our Buffs have come.

It's an historical matchup as well. Behold, facts and fact-like things:

• West Virginia is the 15th all-timing winningest major college football program while CU is 16th.
• CU and WVU have never played one another.
• The modern spread offense was largely pioneered at West Virginia.
• West Virginia's state theme song is "Take Me Home, Country Roads". Colorado's is "Rocky Mountain High". Both songs are by John Denver.
• West Virginia knows no equal in field of self-promotional t-shirt excellence. Exhibits A and B:

Moving on...

It should be a great matchup and a unique college football environment. Two storied programs meeting on a school night before a national audience. A crazed home crowd clad in all black creating a high altitude, dizzying veritgo never before experienced by Eastern types. Beloved CU alum and ESPN college football God, Chris Fowler calling the game. Special. CU Thursday!

Buffs go to Mars!

Pardon the brief departure from the topic of football. There is a bit of news today concerning our beloved University and its continued leadership in space explorations. See the excellent article at the Daily Camera about CU's $485M NASA grant for the upcoming MAVEN Mars mission. My favorite quote from the article:

CU receives more research dollars from NASA than any other university, and it is the only school in the world to have designed, built and launched instruments to every planet in the solar system.

Minds to match our mountains, kids. And we play football too - wooo!

EWU Eagles Eager to Eschew Ewes' Errors

Game 1 featured a rough around the edges Buffs performance. Many penalties and several missed opportunities. However, despite working out the kinks in a new offense, despite playing mostly freshmen and sophomores, despite playing a team who treats this as their ultimate game each year - despite all of that, the Buffs cruised to a comfortable victory over adorable little brother, CSU. Wow, it seems like ages since we began the season with a comfortable win. Hooray for cupcakes!

So at 1-0, the Buffs now prepare for their next opponent - the Eastern Washington Eagles. The Eagles hail from the subdivision previously know as D1-AA. Some may consider schools from the lower divisions to be pushovers, but we Buffs still sport open wounds from a certain beating by a certain D1-AA team just 2 years ago. So don't expect the Buffs to take the Eagles lightly. Humility is a valuable asset even if gained from the brutalest of nut-kickings.

No, EWU is no patsy. They are top 10 in their divion and they have an innovative offense that ran up well over 300 yards passing and 24 points against Texas Tech just last weekend. But what other interesting things are there to know about Eastern Washington University? Why literally ones of interesting things, my friends. For instance:

• Home = Cheney, Washington
• Year founded = 1882
• Original school name = Benjamin P. Cheney Academy
• Second school name = State Normal School
• Name of Mascot = Swoop (Nike lawyers, you are sleeping on the job)
• Famous Alumni = Launi Meili, gold medalist in women’s three-position smallbore rifle shooting at the 1992 Summer Olympics
• Number of players on roster with vowel-rific, Polynesian sounding names = 3

[Note to reader: Where else can you get this kind of scouting report? I can't believe that I do this for FREE!]

So we'll clearly have our work cut out for us as the delegates of this venerable Eastern Washington University visit us on Saturday and attempt once again to place foot firmly into our nether regions. So bring out your shoutin' shoes, Game 2 is on.

Go Buffs!