Better know a conference foe: Arizona State University

The wheels, which were valiantly but precariously maintaining contact with the bus during the first 5 games, finally fell off sometime early in second half at Stanford three weeks ago.  Ever since, the program has been in full free fall.  What we now see before us is a writhing heap of disillusionment, torn ACLs and concussed brain tissue.  But it's OUR writhing heap, dammit, and we love it.  Albeit with an aching sadness sort of love.

Listen carefully and you can hear Dan Hawkins, "Just need to fix the little things."

But continue on we shall because it's what we do.  And the road, it get's no less steep.  This week the Buffs take on the Sun Devils of ASU.  Let's meet our new Pac12 brother, shall we?

If the heat doesn't kill you, you'll wish it had

Wikipedia facts and stuff:

• Nobels: 3 (CU has 8)
• Astronauts: 0 (CU has 18)
• National Championships in Football: 0 (CU has 1)
• National Championships in Skiing: 0 (CU has 17)
• Heisman Trophy winners: 0 (CU has 1)
• Playboy #1 Party School awards: 1 (2007), (CU has 1, is the current champ!)
• Famous alums:  Pat Tillman (fallen hero), Lynda Carter (Wonder Woman), Jimmy Kimmel (talk show host), Al Michaels (sportscaster), Nick Nolte (actor), David Spade (Joe Dirt), Barry Bonds (cheater), Reggie jackson (Mr. October), Phil Mickelson (buxom golfer)

She has powers

This is your brain on Tempe

"Sun Devils, yeah, woo!"

Lynda, is that you?

Fun fact:  The institution was called Tempe Normal School from 1885 to 1958 at which point it was renamed Arizon State University.  That's apparently when Nick Nolte enrolled.

Since mercenary Dennis Erickson showed up to coach the Sun Devils, ASU has become a football power.

"I will coach your football team for this many millions of dollars."

ASU is a talented team.  They are led defensively by linebacker Vontaze Burfict (which loosely translated from Catalan means "angel of death").  Offensively they are piloted by quarterback Brock Oswieller (which loosely translated from Hungarian means "beanpole rocketarm").  They are physical freaks who are really good at the football.

meet Vontaze

meet Brock

During the years of the Big 8 and the Big XII we Buffaloes were fond of saying, "At least we don't live in Lincoln/Ames/Columbia/Manhattan/Stillwater/Norman/Lawrence/Lubbock/College Station/Waco!"  But in the modern age of the Pac12, the chiding of opponents is not quite as satisfying.  After all, Salt Lake/Tuscon/LA/Palo Alto/Berkeley/Euogene/Corvalis/Seattle/Pullman do have some redeaming qualities.  However - this week we can safely pull out that old favoritie passtime.  Because Phoenix/Tempe is indeed a steaming shithole of a city.  

At least we don't live in Phoeniz!

Better know a conference foe: Oregon

Continuing our season long intro to our new associates, today we'll focus on the University of Oregon at Eugene.

Look familiar?

Duck facts:

• Nobel laureates: 2 (CU has 8)
• Astronauts: 0 (CU has 18)
• National Championships in Football: 0 (CU has 1)
• Heisman Trophies: 0 (CU has 1)
• National Championships in skiing: 0 (CU has 17)
• Famous alums: Howard Hesseman (Dr. Johnny Fever), Phil Knight (founder of Nike), Dan Fouts (man-bear), Steve Prefontaine (running legend).  Common thread among these famous Oregonians - crazy sexy facial hair.

What it used to be like to watch a Ducks game

"Children of Cambodia, these sneakers will not make themselves!"

Not shown: paw stuck in honey pot

The Man

Historically, Oregon football had been a weak to middling program.  Then Phil Knight got filthy rich and started pumping cash into the UO athletic department.  The team has steadily improved ever since, culminating last season when the Ducks played for the the national title - falling to Auburn.

Papa Phil has also spent his wealth assaulting the eyes of college football fans.  Just when you think the Oregon uniforms can't get any uglier...

BAM!

This year Oregon appears to be every bit as good as last year.  They lost a single game to LSU early in the season but have been obliterating all comers ever since.  Last week I watched in stunned amazement as they lost their starting quarterback Darron Thomas and starting tailback (and Heisman candidate) LaMichael James to injury yet STILL clobbered undefeated ASU.

These Ducks are wicked good.  How good?  Their star true freshman, DeAnthony Thomas, is known as Black Mamba.  That's how good.

Black Mamba!  I don't know what that means, but it frightens me.

Meanwhile the Buffs' star freshman, Brady Daigh, is known as "Just Brady".

Just Brady

By the way, young Brady will likely start at middle linebacker for the Buffs thanks to a season ending injury to Douglas Rippy.  Rippy is only the latest of a stunning rash of CU injuries.  I've never seen anything quite like it.  Not only have we lost our best two offensive players (Speedy & Richardson) we've also lost half of the offensive line, the best defensive player (the aforementioned Rippy) and 9 (yes NINE) cornerbacks.

Saturdays with the Buffs

But does that mean that the Buffs have no chance against the Ducks?  Probably.  But, hey, punchers chance.

Go Buffs!

Better know a conference foe: Washington

Continuing with the introductions to our new conference brethren.  Let's get to know the University of Washington.

Cherry blossoms, whoa!

The vitals stats:

• Astronauts: 10  (CU has 18)
• Nobel Prize Winners: 8  (CU has 8)
• National Championship in Football: 1 (CU has 1)
• National Championships in Skiing: 0 (CU has 17)
• Heisman Trophy winners: 0 (CU has 1)
• Famous alums: Tom Robbins (favorite author), Hope Solo (moderately attractive soccer goalie), Detlef Schrempf (NBA star with awesomest name ever), Kenny G (smooth jazz aficionado and hair model), Ed Viesturs (mountaineer), Rainn Wilson (Dwight from The Office), Ted Bundy (serial killer)

Dwight

Who here killed over 30 people, possibly as many as 100?

Look what the humidity does to my hair!

U-S-A!

Tailgating
I don't need to tell you that when it comes to college football there is nothing so important as tailgating.  We do a pretty good job of it in Boulder if I do say so myself - abundant sunshine, Flatirons views, grassy surfaces, good food.  But check this out.  At Washington they tailgate by boat.

OK, that's cool

I think every tailgate goes something like this:

Where was I?  Ahh, yes, football.  The 1-5 Buffs face the 4-1 Huskies.  Steve Sarkisian is in his third year as head coach at U-Dub where he has resurrected them from the tragic Tyrone Willingham era going 5-7 and 6-6 in his first two seasons.  Their offense is quarterbacked by Keith Price who is currently second in the nation in touchdown passes (17).  Meanwhile, members of the CU marching band are being recruited to play cornerback this weekend for the Buffs.

Grab a helmet, Billy!

The Buffs haven't won a road game since October 2008.  They are in a transition year.  The offensive line has been decimated by injuries.  The running game has been anemic.  The special team have been puke-inducingly awful.  The defensive backfield is a patchwork of conscripts.

And yet, the Buffs might somehow win this game.  College football is nothing if not flukey.  That's why I love it so.  Strange, ridiculous, unpredictable things happen every week.  Sometimes an inspired group of young men who don't know better rise up and do something special in a fateful moment.  Sometimes the ball bounces up into the hands of an unsuspecting defensive tackle, sometimes a hail mary actually works.  It's a funny game, folks.  Don't ever miss it.

Sark Week!

Better know a conference foe: Stanford

Continuing our introduction to our new conference mates, this week we'll get to know a bit about Stanford.

The Farm

The Skinny:

• Astronauts:  0! (CU has 18)
• Nobel Prizes: 50!  (whoa!  CU has 7)
• National Championships in Football: 0 (CU has 1)
• Heisman Trophy Winners: 1 (Jim Plunkett) (CU has 1)
• National Championships in Skiing: 0 (CU has 17)
• Famous alums: Larry & Sergey (founders of Google), John Elway (John Elway)     ------ Meanwhile CU birthed Matt & Trey (creators of South Park), Steve Ells (Founder & CEO of Chipotle) [you are welcome, world]
• Stanford has won the NACDA Director's Cup acknowledging the best Division 1 collegiate athletics program 17 years in a row, and counting (CU has 0)

Wow.  Just wow.

Stanford is one of two private Universities in the Pac12.  Said differently, they are fucking loaded.  So in addition to being smart, having a gorgeous campus and being good at sports - they are super rich.  Admit it, you kind of secretly want to be Stanford.

Of course there are those (ahem... Cal) who would claim that Stanford are a bunch of self important, entitled pricks.  But really, aren't we all self important pricks?  But without the "important"?  So chill and give the Trees some respect.

The Tree.  Seriously.

So let's talk about football.  In recent years, Stanford has re-emerged as a fricking power-house program.  The resurgence was led by noted rage-aholic and beloved son of Michigan, Jim Harbaugh.

Anger!

Jim has recently taken his talent and explosive anger to the NFL but left behind a top five football program and the Heisman front runner - the aptly named (and ironically neck-bearded) Andrew Luck.

Actually not a Mennonite.

Stanford's offense has no apparent weakness.  This beautiful killing machine can both run the ball with authority and pass with stunning efficiency.  In the mean time due to injury and suspension, the Buffs will start kids at cornerback who only began playing defense one week ago.  One might image a scene such as this.

So is there a chance that the Buffs beat the Cardinal on Saturday?

Go Buffs!

[Seriously, no astronauts, Stanford?  Even Washington State has one.  (CU has 18)]