Big Red is Dead

Oh the drama!

The build up to the CU/NU game had that palpable feel of a defining moment for one team or the other. Could Colorado cap a turn-around season with a win over a hated rival while becoming bowl eligible? Could Nebraska build on the momentum of their blowout KSU victory and save their coach's job?

A crisp, cold morning greeted nervous revelers as they clomped through frozen parking lots nursing turkey hang-overs, beer in hand. Ralphie's fiery breath could be seen in enormous clouds of steam escaping her mighty nostrils. The clapping of tens of thousands of glove covered hands created a distinctive sound not unlike the thundering hooves of a heard of angry Buffaloes...

The valiant seniors were honored before the kickoff. A brave and earnest crew that had endured much and served well. All they desired in this world was one more victory over the Red Menace. Wiley veterans willing to sacrifice one more time in a battle of good versus evil.

Kickoff! The ball sails through the frigid air signifying the commencement of battle. Pads pop, steam rises from helmets, crazed fans cheer wildly.

The Buffs strike first. Behind a surging o-line and a bit of mis-direction, CU moves the ball well throughout the opening period possessing a lead of 10 late in the 1st quarter.

But then the fearsome Nebraska offense comes alive and begins to gobble up great swaths of yardage completing brilliant passes to large and burly receivers. Oh no, this can't happen! The Buffs trail by 11 at the half.

A solemn and chilly halftime witnesses Buff fans stifling the terror that stirs deep in their hearts. The prospect of a loss to the Corn is real yet unthinkable. This is not the way it is supposed to end...

But deep inside the home locker room a mighty force swells. The Buffs hatch brilliant defensive schemes aimed at forcing turnovers. They swear to strike hard and often. Meanwhile the offense collects themselves and vows to embody the smash-mouth style of play that is their true heritage. This is an army that will not be turned back!

Commence the second half. The visitors are treated in a most inhospitable manner. The black clad hosts deliver hits like mighty hammers. Interceptions rain down like justice! Punts are blocked by soaring Buffaloes possessed by the spirit of their victorious forefathers. Pancake blocks are delivered without mercy. Tailbacks bowl over would-be tacklers twice their size. Crushing tackles are delivered with unholy ferocity! In all, the Buffalo heroes place 65 on the scoreboard and a stake in the cold heart of the Cornhuskers.

On this day, victory and justice would not be denied the Buffaloes. On this day a statement is made which echoes from sea to shining sea. And that statement is - the Corndevils are dead. After endless years of pillaging and raping the good people of the college football countryside, the Red Scourge has been decisively put into their grave. And upon that grave we dance!

Must beat Huskers

It all comes down to this.

The Buffs and the Huskers in one of the most bizarre seasons in history come into the final game both sporting identical records - 5 wins, 6 losses. In addition to the normal rival-rific intensity and innate hatred comes the specter of bowl eligibility. He who wins gets it, he losses does not.

The Buffs have had a predictably inconsistent year in phase 2 of the the rebuilding effort. The Corn meanwhile have undergone a meltdown of biblical proportions in which they have given up more points in one season then they had in some previous decades. Along the way they have fired their Athletic Director and are on the eve of whacking their head coach. It's a total train wreck that translates into pure, sweet joy in the eyes of Buffs! Hooray karma!

But wait. What? Wouldn't you know it! Just as the Buffs are set to deal the final death blow onto a much deserved gasping, bleeding, whithering team... the Nebrass-holes rise up and get well! Real well to the tune of a 73-31 victory over K-State (who incidentally beat the Buffs by 20 earlier this year). Damn you, karma, don't quit on us now!

In all seriousness, friends, we badly need to win this game. We need it to feel the progress of a .500 season. We need it to get to a bowl, however pedestrian, to get extra practice for this young team. We need it to send heroic seniors such as Dizon, Charles, Walters and Wheatley out on a high note. But most of all we need it to crush the spirit of the Fuskers who have wrought unspeakable acts upon the Buffs and their Big 8/12 brethren for decades. We need it to strike a final blow for justice and goodness. When you see the Great Satan knocked to the floor you do not let him get up again. We must do this for the children lest another generation live through the tyranny of Cornhusker competence. Kill, kill, KILL!!!!!

(Deep breath)

So, Friends of the Buffaloes, come out to dear old CU this Friday, bundle up, and bring your shoutin' voice & your dancin' shoes. For we shall put the Corndogs in their grave once and for all. And upon that grave we shall dance!

GO BUFFS!!!!!

Final word on ISU game

The Big XII officiating coordinator this week explained the two controversial calls at the end of the ISU-CU game that essentially prevented the game from going into overtime. The conference official is quoted below:

"The exception that is in there is to prevent a team that is wanting to run the clock out," Anderson said. "So if it becomes fourth down and the defense is going to get the ball, but rather than punting the ball they just line up in a scrimmage kick formation and intentionally let the clock run out. Because it was running, the rule says that you assess the penalty and then you wind the clock. That exception is in there so that a team is not allowed just to bleed the clock down."
"It's also at the referee's discretion because the opposite also holds true. If you have a team that doesn't want the clock to run but doesn't have any time outs, you don't allow them, in essence, to commit a foul thereby causing the clock to stop."

So the key point here is that the referee's decisions were not technically incorrect. HOWEVER the calls were discretionary meaning that they could have gone the other way and the refs could have done more to enable a surging team dealing with an expiring game clock to snap the ball when clearly they were lined up appropriately and ready to go. "At the referee's discretion" a 50 yard field goal and then a 55 yard field goal were wiped off the board. In SMQ's words this is "negation of accomplishment" and damned hard to swallow.

Forget that the Buffs shot themselves in the foot for the better part of the second half. The fact remains that they actually tied the game in heroic fashion and yet "at the referee's discretion" they were denied overtime. That's a pretty critical discretionary call, no?

So who exactly is this referee who made said discretionary call? Well, it's none other than a gentleman by the name of Clete Blakeman. While he's not refereeing Big XII football games, he's an Omaha attorney. Oh yeah, he is also a FORMER NEBRASKA CORNHUSKER QB. Who finds it shocking that a Cornhusker given the discretion to determine the outcome of a CU game would choose to feed the Buffs a big old crap sandwich? I can barely contain my astonishment...

So with that, my friends, I declare the commencement of the annual Nebraska Hate Week. Act accordingly.

Good God

Friends,

Look... I just... I don't know what to say. There are damned few things in this world that I really think that I "get". But college football is one of those things. Correction, WAS one of those things. Then 2007 rolled around and I don't know what to think. Kansas is 10-0 and #3 in the BCS. The esteemed ESPN College Game Day broadcasted this week from the campus of Williams College (Williamstown, MA - current home of our own Johnny and Chrissy Mac!) to cover the critical late season match-up of Williams-Amherst. The free-falling Huskers suddenly unleash hell and score 73 points on an allegedly good team. And the Buffs blow a 21 point lead but come back in the waning moments of a game at Iowa State to kick not one but TWO improbably long field goals in the final 3 seconds of the game only to have them both disallowed. What. The. Fuck?!

I'm going to need a good couple of days before I can even think about the upcoming finale of a game with a certain despised rival. So stay tuned for that.

In the mean time I think I'll teach myself Farsi. Or string theory. Or string theory in Farsi. Perhaps I have a glimmer of hope of understanding that. But college football 2007, forget about it.

Outstanding execution!

Friends,

It's a rare privilege to witness what I did on Saturday. A bold and well conceived game plan, crisp execution, high morale, teamwork, good communication, flawless hand-offs, gutting it out through injuries. Really an amazing performance and the adoring fans cheered, cheered and cheered some more!

Thank you Shannon (and Hamid!) for an amazing Lobsterfest 2007!

What? You thought I was talking about football? Holy cats. That's was horrendous! Possibly the worst I've seen. The Buffs exhibited the rarely seen trifecta of drowsiness, confusion and genuine dip-shitery! I'm just thankful that Bill McCartney wasn't alive to see this atrocity. What, he is!? Oh goddammit!


Don't get me wrong, I love these Buffs as much as I love my own children. But let's just say that a revision in the will is underway...

But back to the tailgate. Really possibly the best ever event and thank you again, Shannon (and Hamid!). A beautiful day, great food, birthdays were celebrated, friendships were rekindled, children were conceived (you know, possibly!) and one spectacular red-headed yoga instructor keg stand was executed. God bless America!

A Pig by any other name...

FOTBs,

Perusing this week's AP Top 5 reveals 3 teams that we've already played (Oklahoma, Arizona State, Kansas) as well as the one that we're about to play, Missouri. Who plays a tougher schedule than the Buffs? Nobody, citizens, nobody. Can we get to .500 versus the top ten? We're about to find out.

Ooh the Tigers are good this year. Offensively, actually, they are great. They have the nightmare combination of speed and size at wide receiver, quality at tailback and (worst of all) a QB that is a fantastic passer and a deadly runner. Oy Vey. The defense while not great is quite capable and has stepped up when needed. So how do you prepare for such an opponent? Well by making sport of their names, of course!

For starters, Mizzou has 3 guys on the team named Chase. Chase, the quintessential douche-baggy over privileged white kid name. Adding to this category are a guy name Brock, one Brendan, a Blake, Forrest and Dain. What is this - a Tommy Hilfiger ad? A day-time soap opera cast? Please.

Next, they have the "hilarious/illiterate mis-spelled" names. Jaysen and Kurtis. Moving on.

In the "apostrophe for no apparent reason category" - De'Vion and La'Roderick. How Ri'Diculous.

Then the "stolen from a famous person" names such as Elvis, Levi and Evander. What, no Madonna?

Also the "invented this name to sound like a badass" - Stryker. Wasn't that an '80s metal band. Actually, that one is pretty cool.

Additionally we have the head scratchers of "completely unknown (possibly sci-fi) origin" - Castine and Scipio.

Finally, "my extra special favorite football name of all times" - Pig Brown. Yes, Pig Brown is Mizzou's best defensive player who is sadly injured and unable to play this Saturday.

So there you have it. In all probability we'll lose to this team on Saturday, but we can hold our heads high knowing that we teased them well.

For those of you in the know and in the posse, you have one more lovely, delectable, savory, rich, red-ish (though not red!) reason to come up to old CU this Saturday:


CU Saturday!

Shiver me timbers!

Yarr! The Buffs go into Lubbock, Texas - where they had never won - and hit the Pirates in the mouth! Ye not be wantin' another eh, scalawag? Yarr!

So how did it go down?


Well, these hopelessly unpredictable Buffs came out and played like champions Saturday. They were well prepared, played without mistakes and exhibited great confidence from the get go. Hugh got back on track and ran the ball passionately to the tune of 121 yards. Cody managed the offense well, took some chances but avoided mistakes. And, it's worth mentioning, Daniel Sanders did not once mis-snap the ball. Hallelujah!

Defensively, the Buffs contained the Tech high flying offense all-day. They kept the ball in front and minimized big plays. They blitzed with unholy ferocity and rattled the leading passer in the nation, Graham Harrell. Our dear Jordon Dizon (Is there any remaining question that he'll be taking home the Butkus? No.) got one pick and took it back for a touchdown. Meanwhile T-Wheat (Is there any remaining question that he'll be taking home the Thorpe? No.), playing most of the day against the nation's leading receiver, took uh - not 1, not 2, but 3 (yes 3) picks from Harrell.

So it was a big road win in a rebuilding year. It's a glimpse at what is coming on a more regular basis when Hawk gets this engine humming. Hey, winning is fun! Get ready for more fun.

Yarrr! Pirate warning!

Friends of the Buffaloes,

Our 4-4 Buffs travel Saturday to scenic Lubbock, Texas, to take on the swashbuckling cadets of Mike Leach's Pirate School (lesser known as Texas Tech University). Coach Leach is a one of a kind - eccentric genius, totally unorthodox, unfit to live in normal society but too skilled to be kept out of Division 1 Football. Thus, he coaches in Lubbock. He's an enigma wrapped inside a riddle. His team will either score 60 points on you or throw five picks and run for negative yardage. It's wildly unpredictable but undeniably fascinating to watch.

Leach is such an unusual figure that the whole of the college football blogosphere is practically obsessed with him. The greatest of all college football blogs, Sunday Morning Quarterback, frequently invents imaginary "Ask Mike Leach" columns. In a recent one, this beauty of a quote is wrought...

"Somebody told me Sam Houston State was pissed at me for attempting a double reverse screen throwback hook-and-ladder with ten seconds to go and a 62-point lead. That's just "not done." Well, we did it, and we scored, because the goal of the game is to score, and we accomplished our goal. How many times in your life will you score 80 points? Identify your goal and take the straightest line to its fruition. Don't let society tell you "you can't do that" when you obviously can."

Mike Leach is a beauty and should be simultaneously loved and feared by all college football fans. We must celebrate his uniqueness while guarding against the possible contagiousness of his brand of utter madness. Yes, Lubbock is a good quarantine center indeed.

So what happens when our beloved but inconsistent Buffs face the Pirate School? I have no earthly idea. But I'm immensely certain it will not be dull.

Go Buffs! Yarr!

KU-CU recap

Friends,

A .500 team are we. 4-4 overall and 2-2 in the conference. The very definition of mediocrity - which when you think about it is so much better than where we were last year. But satisfying? No.

Look, KU is a good team. We held them to 19 which is 31 points below their average. And we had a chance late to make that game winning drive. But it was not to be.

The running game (my previously mention key to the game) was non-existent. This of course hamstrung the passing game producing lots of sacks and interceptions. Meanwhile, the defense was still a bit shaky allowing the QB Reesing to run a bit to wild. Also we missed a field goal early that could have changed things. Well, at least the punter didn't fumble this time!

What more can I say? My hat is off to the undefeated Jayhawks. I only hope that their coach can someday find happiness...


Aahh making fun of other's misfortunes. The last bastion of losers, I suppose...

Bizarro World

Friends of the Buffaloes,

You know, it's a pity that I am not more studied in all things Star Wars because this seems the perfect week to do a Jabba the Hut caricatured...
But alas, my Star Wars tank is empty. Feel free to write your own episode!

Anyway....

Bizarro World. That's what this year's college football world is. At the time of this writing...
* Appalachian State has beaten Michigan (sorry Rob, Mitch, Kip)
* Stanford has beaten USC (congratulations Eric, Daphne, Lane)
* The rebuilding Buffs have beaten Oklahoma (sorry Timolyn, congratulations everyone else)
* Kentucky has beaten LSU
* Oregon State has beaten Cal (sorry Carolyn)
* Nebraska is in a tailspin (congratulations righteousness)
* The current Top 10 includes these scalawags - South Florida, South Carolina and Kentucky
* Arizona State is alone atop the Pac-10
* The 2 major Kansan universities are a combined 10-2
* The University of Kansas is the #15 team in the country

What in the name of Bo Schembeckler is going on here!?

The historically pathetic Kansas football program is currently 6-0 and on the inside track for the Big XII North title. Stop the madness! It's time to set some things right and that's just what the Buffs will do on Saturday. It will go like this...

Hey diddle, diddle, we're comin' up the middle! And around the end and off tackle! That's right, the Buffs are going to run, run, run the ball and force Kansas to try to stop Hugh and Demitrius. And that's when we hit 'em with Josh Smith (J-Fly) on the deep route. We're gonna light those Jay-chickens up!

Defensively, we must get after that fantastic QB Reesing. He's mobile and he throws a great ball. But as goes Reesing so go the 'Hawks and therefore Reesing must go down! Dizon tracks him down on a rollout - POW! Wheatley blind-sides him on a corner blitz - BAM! Down goes Reesing, down goes KU. Buffs back in the hunt for the Big XII North! Glory, glory Colorado.

Oh yeah, and there will be steaks too. Yum...

A KSU game limerick

Dear Friends,

Look, I'm sort of mailing it in this week. I've been busy - family, work, travel. Now my company is being acquired. Whew, it's hard to be a wanna-be sports blogger when life gets in the way.

Anyhow, in place of my usual fake insight, I present to you a limerick about the up-coming game against KSU. There are a few things you should first know, however. 1) KSU's coach is Ron Prince, excitable guy who has been know to dance on the sideline (see video clip below). 2) Josh Freeman is KSU's talented and humongous quarterback. 3) Jordon Dizon should win the Heisman, but won't.

There once was a coach named Ron Prince
His dancing skills made me wince
Then Dizon sacked Freeman
Coach Prince had not glee, man
That crazy jig's not been seen since

Go Buffs!

Fundamentals

Winning football games really comes down to execution, doing the little things right. Everybody notices the "big plays" but very few people focus on the small things. And citizens, let me tell you - it's the small things that win football games. Running perfect routes, keeping your pad levels low, knowing the snap count, making down field blocks, going 100% until the whistle blows, form tackling. It's fundamentals, people.

As an example, study this still image below. Notice the excellent form of the Baylor player as he makes the tackle. Leads with shoulder, wraps up, drives his man to the ground. That's fundamentally sound football, friends, and that's what wins championships.

Buffs beat Bears!

FOTBs,

Remember last year? At this time last year, our beloved but hapless Buffs were 0-6. That's zero wins and six losses. This year, it's a different story. We're now 4-2. Four wins, two losses. This year is more fun, no?

The point is that we, the Colorado Buffaloes faithful, must never take winning for granted. Because winning is never, ever guaranteed. So whether it is a overtime win over CSU, a complete BLOWOUT of MofO, a time expiring mind-blowing win over #3 OU or a non-televised 20 point win over the Baylor Bears... it is always, always, always sweet. Let us not become the fans that are ever critical of a winning effort. Let us not be the guys who say, "we should have won by more" or "it sucks that we gave up more than 400 yards passing to one of the, no, THE worst team in the history of the Big XII." No, that's not us. We must stay ever humble and ever grateful for wins. Period. The end.



Oh yeah, Cody passed for 293, Hugh ran for 122 and Jordon had 13 tackles. What is not to love?!

Haikus for the Baylor/CU game

This week calls for the Buffs to travel to Waco, Texas to take on the Baylor Bears. It's a critical conference game in the suddenly wide-open Big XII. I'm sure that our Zen master coach is motivating the troops with some topical haiku. Imagine if you will what those versus might be like...

Toothless Bears they aren't
Vanquished our Buffs last two tries
Not again, Waco

Guy Morriss - two s-es
Weird ass spread offense he runs
T-Wheat'll have 3 pickss

Favorite flick, Star Wars
Cody-Luke, Dizon-Solo
Hugh's R2-D2

Young Kai Maiava
Samoan, fierce and hairy
Pancake block you, bro

Smash-mouth football guys
My bad haircut matters not
It's D-1 football!!

At last, the OU game recap

Where to start. This was not a fluky game where the under-dogs ran trick plays and the ball bounced their way. Simply put, the Sooners were outplayed and out-schemed. The Buffs overcame adversity and a 17 point deficit to win the game. Consider these 2nd half stats:
2nd-half total yards: Colorado 219, OU 56
2nd-half first downs: CU 12, OU 3
2nd-half rushing yards: CU 114, OU 45

The defense was simply fantastic. The offense was gutsy and undaunted. The special teams was special in all aspects despite missing an early 4th quarter field goal. The play calling was gutsy but never desperate. It was a total and complete body of work by our Buffs. Be proud, be very proud.

Many, many thanks again to our own Matthew Walton for assembling this comeback video chronicle. A picture is worth a thousand words, a video is worth a hundred thousand.




Nice footage.

But this is sort of how it looked from my vantage point...

I now love Star Wars

After the Star Wars pre-game premonition and the ensuing rocket ride to the Galaxy Euphoria, I can now count myself as a verified Star Wars fan. Improbably it was Buffs Football that finally completed my lifelong journey to total nerd-dom.

Sincere and teary love to the beautiful and talented Matthew Walton for this tribute video.



Incidentally, did you know that the subtitle of the Star Wars episode to which I referred to is actually - "A New Hope"? Damn, it's like George Lucas had a time machine when he wrote that crap over 30 years ago.

Dave Lapham quote about CU vs OU

You start running out of expletives for a victory like this. As a partisan, hyperbole is simply unavoidable. So when I try to find perspective from an unbiased source like Dave Lapham, who called the game for Fox Sports, I see this (from sundaymorningqb.com):

It's hard for me to express as a former football player on many successful football teams how proud I am of the football players who went out on that football field for the University of Colorado football team and played the football game of their lives to beat a truly outstanding football team of football players from Oklahoma. I'm paid to broadcast football games, so I can't always comment on the football teams I'm covering, but I have to say, I never thought a football team like Colorado, a football team that only won two football games last football season, could hang on in a football game against a football team obviously made up of more talented football players. And not only to play football toe-to-toe on the football field with such a great football team, but to come from behind in a football game those football players could have easily given up on? That's one of the great football accomplishments I've ever witnessed on any football field in my entire life in football. Dan Hawkins is a special football coach who took his football team on the football field and said, `We're going to win this football game' and his football players flew to the football, stopped Oklahoma from moving the football in the second half of the football game and somehow found a way to win a football game I don't think anyone in football thought this football team could win. What a football game.

That's high praise, my friends. Also, I challenge you to use the word "football" more times in a single paragraph.

Even a Sooner fan couldn't help but celebrate

As we all know, Buff Football has languished in mediocrity and controversy for quite some time. We'd hoped that the changing of the guard at CU would signal a new beginning. Of course at first, the new guard reaped a pitiful season of 2-10. But this season seemed to hold promise of a turn-around. First, an overtime victory over CSU. Next a squandered chance at a rode win at ASU. Then a close, but not really close loss to FSU. Then at last the pieces began to come together with a blowout win over Miami of Ohio. And finally, finally... a huge win over arguably the best team in all the land, the Oklahoma Sooners. Mere words cannot describe the significance of such a win. No, not words but a feeling. It was palpable. The victory signified nothing less than the rebirth of a great program, CU Buff Football is back.

So palpable in fact was the feeling that even a Sooner fan and proud alumnus was caught up in it. Yes our own dear Timolyn Esson who was as they say "Sooner born, Sooner bred and when she dies she'll be Sooner dead" was so caught in the moment of a great Buff rebirth that she stormed the field with thousands of other crazies! A Sooner celebrating the Buff upset.

Little did she know that we had planted a small video camera in her hat that day. Footage below...
Timolyn's helmut cam...

The Rebel Alliance vs. The Empire

FOTBs,

After a day of enjoying the rarely seen BLOWOUT win over the RedHawks, the joy quickly faded as the terrible specter of the Oklahoma Sooners loomed. Why oh why, Football Gods, must the buzz be so quickly and terrifyingly killed?! Why must the plucky upstart Buffs be subjected so soon to the heartless killing machine that is the Oklahoma Sooners? Those young Buffalo soldiers were just beginning to see sunlight after lo these many dark months. And now they are destined to suffer mightily under the boot heal of the enraged overlord that is Bob Stoops. Oh, why, why, why!!?!!

[ahem]

I interrupt this gnashing of teeth and shouting at the heavens to relay a bit of personal information which may strike you as a bit off topic but whose relevance will soon enough be evident.

As you know, I'm a geek. I studied engineering and have made a career in the world of software. And not the cool kind of software either like the kind that plays music, edits photos or simulates flying a fighter jet. No I make software that other geeks use to make other, only slightly less boring software. So I'm a deep, undeniably nerdy geek dork. You already knew that. But what you didn't know will shock you to your very core and leave you questioning everything that you thought you knew about nerdy geek dorks such as myself.

I'm not a fan of Star Wars.

[pause while you pick yourself up off the floor, stumble to the sink to splash some cold water on your face, return to computer]

It's true. I saw that one episode that came out in 1976. It was OK. I think I even saw another one years later but I don't know which one it was. Honestly, I don't even know how many episodes there are. And I don't care. I'm just not into Star Wars. Please don't tell my colleagues. This secret has been well kept for years. I'm sure that if ever I am outed, I will immediately and irreparably lose any nerdy geek dork cred that I may have. I'll be cast out of the nerdy geek dork clan forever. Not suitable for the mainstream, non-geek crowd I will be destined to walk alone in this world. A man without a country...

I disclose this bit of embarrassing information as a prelude and an apology for the post that I am about to write (yes, we'll get rolling here in just a minute, football fans). Though I know precious little about the Star Wars franchise, I do recall the general gist of the original 1976 offering and I'm about to evoke that plot as I analyze this week's Buffs-Sooners match-up. I'm bound to get some facts wrong but forgive me for I am an incomplete geek.

Here goes:

Imagine the characters...

Darth Vader = Bob Stoops
More machine than man, powerful, ruthless, widely feared, unlovable, visor-wearer, evil genius, intergalactic asshole.



Storm Troopers = Sooner players of any generation
Devoted followers of despotic Vader/Stoops, voracious killers, clone-like (if one goes down another appears who looks and performs just like the last), efficient, unfeeling, intimidating, wearers of cod-pieces.



Obi-Wan Kenobi = Dan Hawkins
Zen-like philosopher, gentle demeanor, wielder of sabers, believer in the Force, speaker of cool-sounding but head-scratching sound bites.



Princess Leia = Mike Bohn
Beloved, decisive leader of the Rebel Alliance, good-looking, smooth, strong yet feminine.




Luke Skywalker = Cody Hawkins
Goofy, inexperienced country boy, fearless, cock-sure, loves old Obi-Wan/Dan but thinks he's slightly insane, short, chicks don't take him seriously.




Han Solo = Jordon Dizon
Swash-buckling veteran of many battles, possessor of scars, wily, natural leader, chicks dig him, hangs out with large hairy guys.



Chewbacca = Michael Sipili
Immense, fur covered warrior of great strength and loyalty, known to act on instinct rather than considering consequences, currently suspended.



Rebel Alliance = 2007 Buff Team
Rag-tag assembly of earnest and lovable misfits, fearless in the face of overwhelming odds, scrappy, cunning, occasionally smelly.




Death Star = 2007 Sooner Team
Greatest killing machine ever built, able to annihilate entire worlds in an instant, technically superior to all other stars in every way, totally unassailable - or is it...?


[opening credits]
In a galaxy not far away...

[scene 1]
Mike Bohn: "Help us, Dan Hawkins, you are our only hope..."
Dan Hawkins: "An archer seeks not the target but to become the bow."
Mike Bohn: "You know what, just seek the target!"
Dan Hawkins: "Got it, chief!"

[scene 2]
Cody Hawkins: "When am I gonna get some real excitement?"
Dan Hawkins: "As soon as you learn to use the Force, my son."
Cody Hawkins: "If by "Force" you mean "Statue of Liberty", roger that oh wise one!"

[scene 3]
Dan Hawkins: "These are not the 'roids you're looking for."
Sooner Players: "These are not the 'roids we're looking for."

[scene 4]
(Bar room full of strange, menacing creatures drinking bubbling blue grog. One 3-eyed goon looks sideways at Dizon. Sipili beats the living crap out of said goon.)

[scene 5]
Bob Stoops: "Dark Emperor, I'd like to demonstrate the power of my new weapon, the 2007 Oklahoma Sooners."
Dark Emperor: "How will you demonstrate it, Lord Stoops?"
Bob Stoops: "See that hideously colored planet over there, I think it's called planet Miami of the Florida Galaxy? Watch this!"
(presses button, Miami is disintegrated in one spectacular ball of fire)
Elsewhere, Dan Hawkins: "I feel a great disturbance in the Force."

[scene 6]
Cody Hawkins: "Jordon, let me hang out with you."
Jordon Dizon: "Listen kid, I don't have time to babysit you."
Cody Hawkins: "But I could help fly this old junker."
Jordon Dizon: "Old junker!? I'll have you know that this 'old junker' once won a National Championship!"
Cody Hawkins: "Yeah? In which eon?"
Jordon Dizon: "Smartass! You're so lucky Sipili isn't here right now."

[scene 7]
(Buff Team in small skirmish with the forces of Miami of the Ohio Galaxy. Young Cody shows remarkable skill at times, only occasionally throwing a pick.)
Dan Hawkins: "Use the Force my son."
Cody Hawkins: "What does that even mean!? And why do I have to wear this blindfold anyway?"

[scene 8]
Dan Hawkins: "The Sooner Empire seeks to destroy our world. Our team is the last defense of the great Colorado way. We cannot fail for our mission is righteous. As the great Japanese philosopher once said..."
Jordon Dizon to Cody: "Dude, how long is this guy going to prattle on, it's almost kickoff?"
Cody Hawkins: "Yeah, screw this. Let's get into this battle. This cooky bastard will still be here yammering away when we get back."


[scene 9]
(Jordon and Cody deftly driving their respective vehicles through fierce enemy fire. They take hit after hit but somehow survive the battle coming closer to the goal. As time expires, Cody (while literally on fire) delivers one last shot which, against all odds, finds it's target. KABOOM! The Sooner Death Star is destroyed in one fiery explosion. Moments later, Lord Stoops is seen jettisoning out into space while cursing and throwing his visor.)
Bob Stoops (shaking fist): "I'll get you yet, Hawkinsssssssssssss...."

[scene 10]
(Jubilant, victorious Buffs return the locker room to find Dan Hawkins still expounding on the benefits of yoga, a healthy diet and the writings of the late President William Taft.)
Jordon Dizon: "Is he always like this?"
Cody Hawkins: " 'Fraid so."
Jordon Dizon, shaking head: "Anyway... Cody, you can be my wingman anytime!"
Cody Hawkins: "Wrong cinematic metaphor, buddy. We'll evoke Top Gun next week."

[roll credits]

RedHawks review

BLOWOUT.

Man, it seems like a hundred years since we were on the sunny side of one of those. I'm gonna savor it. It matters not even who the opponent was because in the recent era, the Buffs trials and travails have brought losses to even the smallest, most downtrodden schools. So a victory is a VICTORY and a blowout is a BLOWOUT. Boo-yaw!

I'd hoped to finally see a complete effort, a complete game from the Buffs and I think I did. The offense went for 636 yards while reinvigorating the rushing game at 359 yards. That 636 is the most we've gained in a game this decade. And the defense was equally as dominant holding the RedHawks to just 139 total offense yards and an amazing 3-14 3rd down conversions and of course a sweet, sweet shutout. Field goal kicking and punting was rarely or never seen because we were in the endzone so much, you see. Hell and yeah, y'all.

And while the Buffs were cruising to a BLOWOUT victory, over in Lincoln the Corn were struggling for dear life with Miami's MAC brother Ball State. Thanks to a dropped pass and a missed field goal by the Cardinals, NU prevailed 41-40. But let's be clear, the Fuskers are not a good team and apparently should have lost that contest. The venerable (insert sarcasm here) "blackshirt" defense gave up 40 points and 610 yards to BALL STATE. Incidentally, Ball State lost a little game 14-13 just 3 weeks ago to, you guessed it, Miami of Ohio. BAM! So by the transitive properties of college football, the Buffs beat Nebraska last Saturday 42-0. Celebrate!

Get that MofO!

Friends of the Buffaloes,

After enduring oddly timed games thus far this season (10 AM, 8 PM, 8 PM), we finally get a normally scheduled game. As the Creator of the game (Joe Paterno) intended, college football should be played at 1:30 PM on a Saturday. One should not argue with the Creator.

This week, the Buffs have the honor of hosting the Miami of Ohio (MofO) Redhawks. After taking on the likes of CSU, ASU and FSU in successive weeks some might think that MofO is a relatively easy opponent. I have but two words for those people. Montana State. Henceforth, let us not utter those two words again. Ever.

This week, it's crucial for the Buffs to put together a complete effort, win the game and prove that they are ready to begin the grueling Big XII season. Not only must we produce an outstanding defensive effort as we did last week, we must discover a rushing game and kicking game. Furthermore, we must, must, must catch and snap the damned ball with competence. Must.

The Redhawks are a proud program. One of the top 20 Division I programs of all time, or so I'm told by the venerable Charles Johnson. Clearly they are not to be trifled with. As such, I plan to bring my A game this week and so should you, Buff faithful. The effort, as always, must begin with a spirited and flawless tailgate. Did I mention we get our 'gate on these days in the GOLD LOT!? The lovely Kiplynn and I will bring some tasty BBQ meats of one sort or another. The rest of you should bring accompanying dishes, beverages and a burning desire to knock that MofO the hell out! 'Gating begins at 11 AM.

CU Saturday!

Buffalover

Semi-holed

Hey, look over there! Nebraska and Notre Dame getting pummeled! Ha ha ha ha ha. Ooh my sides hurt from laughing. Because it's funny when the dirtbags get rolled, you see. Oh, good times...

What? What's that? The Buffs? Er, well, um... Not good. But, look, when you consider that those FSU guys were sooo much bigger and faster than us, a ten point loss is pretty good. High five! Anyone...

Alright, so here's the deal. We lost by 10 at home against Florida State. And sure, they may not be the 'Noles of old but they are still an awfully talented bunch. But the reality is that the final score does not indicate just how far off we were from beating those guys. FSU took control in the 1st quarter and we were playing catch up the rest of the way and couldn't get there.

A LARGE shout out of respect goes to the Buffs D, though. Those guys did a fantastic job. Consider this. The 'Noles went for only 221 total yards on the night, completed less than 50% of their passes, rushed as a team for less than 100 yards and (most impressively) were 1 for 13 on 3rd down conversions. And all of that while FSU was starting with excellent field position most of the night. That's some incredible defense by Dizon, Hypolite, Wheatley and crew. My heart swells with pride.

Offensively? Heart decidedly not swelling. Sure, they were improved over the ASU effort and that's a relief. However, the O never really got it going. We could not run the ball at all. The passing game showed signs of life at times but we still have this terrible, TERRIBLE tendency to drop balls (I'm looking at you, Patrick Williams, though you're not alone). Possibly an even worse offense is the propensity for poorly snapped balls. Daniel Sanders was wildly chucking that thing backwards at Cody all night. Three or four of those snaps wound up on the rug for big losses and it could have been eight or nine had not Cody done some remarkable fielding of poorly snapped balls. The kid deserves a golden glove or something. For the love of Bill McCartney, shotgun snapping should not be this kind of crapshoot, people!

[deep breath]

Special teams? Somewhere Mason Crosby and Jeremy Bloom weep silently. The field goal kicking and punt returning was, ahem, not superb. Punting was pretty decent though. High five!

So here we sit 1-2. The team is good and exciting and I love them one and all. Yes, even you Patrick Williams, Daniel Sanders and Kevin Eberhart - you knuckleheads. Now take a lap and get your heads back in this thing. There's a lot of football left to be played and we yield to no team, regardless of their obvious superiority!

And Nebraska and Notre Dame got their butts kicked - BIG HIGH FIVE!!!

Midnight in the garden of Good vs. Evil

Friends of the Buffaloes,

So here we are. Standing at 1-1, approaching game 3. And who comes to town for the pivotal contest but the tradition-rich yet tarnished Seminoles of Florida State. A Buffs-Noles match-up tends to get folks excited. Adding fuel to that excitement inferno is the fact that it's the first Folsom Field game of the season and it is at night.

That's right, the game begins at 8 PM MST. Just picture the scene...


[Open Scene]

Geeserly octogenarian legend Bobby Bowden waddles into Folsom Field 2-3 hours after his east coast bedtime. His players, warming up, take unsatisfying gulps of thin mountain air. "Need (gasp) oxygen (gasp) for the (gasp) love (gasp) of God... [blacking out]." Thousands of dangerously inebriated fans create a palpable buzz of anticipation as a a cloud of spleef smoke rolls down from the student section. The PA system emits a powerful voice proclaiming, "Heeeeere comes Ralphie!!!!" Noles turn in the direction of a curious rumbling noise, "Dear God (gasp) what is that (gasp) creature AIGHHH! [faint]"

And thus goes 4 quarters of football. Visiting Floridian players disoriented by dry air and lack of oxygen, haunted by the image of the terrifying mangy demonic creature seen barreling across the field prior to kickoff make gaff after hilarious gaff as their snoozy coach repeatedly needs to be awakened in order to be consulted about who he'd like to insert at QB while Drew Weatherford is being administered smelling salts under an oxygen mask.

It seems like a dream. Like a 4 quarter nightmare full of unfamiliar faces, angry Polynesians dressed in black, midget quarterbacks, naturally beautiful yet unattainable co-eds, fake punts, tailback direct snaps, flea flickers... "I want to wake up, I want to wake up!" cries a voice. "Snap out of it, Coach Bowden, you are awake. The game ended 2 hours ago, it's 2 AM. You really should get a gurney for that Weatherford kid over there. We need to clean the stadium and replace the goal posts. Travel safe now, pops."

[End Scene]

Eh, could happen.

Certainly what will happen is tailgating. And, friends, we have upped the ante. Two words - GOLD LOT. That's right, we now reside in the penultimate location for top-shelf tailgating. The creme de la creme of cocktail collaboration. You will know us by our beaming smiles and glistening, aromatic bratwurst. And the proud flag pole supporting a Buff flag and windsock. 'Gating begins at 5:00 PM.

CU Saturday!

So.... that happened...

Um, yeah. It seems that the rebuilding project is yet a work in progress. The Buffs traveled to the desert Saturday and received a sound beating at the hands of ASU. The Buffs had plenty of chances and lucky breaks early but they could not mount any real offensive firepower while the defense couldn't slow the Sun Devil offense.

The worst part of it was that suddenly the CU receivers developed an horrendous case of the dropsies. Patrick Williams who a week ago looked to have corrected his pass catching deficiencies reverted to the old, bad, ball aversive tendencies. Good Patrick - please come back. Bad Patrick - begone inept demon whose ball dropping causes me to die a little with each bumbling miscue.

Cody looked more like a freshman this week than last. He had some moments when he had thrilling, needle-threading deep strikes to stone handed receivers. But at other times, he made mistakes and ugly, stinking throws. So I'm still on the bandwagon and I grant him the right to play like a freshman because, hey, he's a freshman.

Also the defense which was good early, turned into a tackle-missing, soft-zone playing girlified mamsie pamsie unit once Rudy Carpenter heated up. This must be corrected, kids.

So to review: Saturday's Buff performance - Not Good. My love for same Buffs - un-dieing.

Standin' in the middle of the desert waitin' for my ship to come in...

The currently undefeated Buffs travel this week to Tempe, Arizona to face the blistering Sun Devils of ASU. Fortunately, it will be a night game so temperatures are expected to be in the low 100s. Que calor!

This year's ASU team features new head coach/gun-toting-mercenary Dennis Erickson who at this very moment is likely drunkenly breaking state, federal or NCAA laws. Dennis has taken his fun loving, fast living, morality skirting ways all over this great land from the tropics of southern Florida to the redwood forests of the northwest. He'll lead the Sun Devils to some crazy, gunslinging, statistic popping successes and fabulous failures before one day leaving town for the next sexy opportunity and just ahead of the arresting authorities. A true beacon of offense and hedonism.

This game will be a serious test for the Buffs. They must play much better than they did against CSU to have a chance. Particularly, the defense must step up. Pass defense has been our weakness over the past year and the Devils are going to chuck it around some. Prepare for a track meet. Offensively, the Buffs will likely still be without the 3 best players in Hugh Charles, Bernard Jackson and Josh Smith. So let's hope the Cody/Scotty show can continue its little parade.

A win here would be huge. Let's take it to the felonious one!

Rocky Mountain Throw-down, indeed

Oh, Rammies, I can’t stay mad at you. I just admire the heck out of how those kids play against the Buffs. They came out Saturday and gave us everything they had. The Buffs did likewise and the result was a college football classic. Truly one of the most fun games I’ve attended. Both crowds were enthusiastic and on their feet nearly the entire game. The score remained close throughout and there was plenty of gutsy play calling. Hamid, not always known as the most gracious of winners, said it best, “It’s a shame that somebody had to lose that game”. Indeed.

But the Buffs came out on top of this one and in thrilling manner. Here’s my review…

Offense:

OK, I just bought a ticket on the Cody/Scotty bandwagon. Cody’s height did come into play as 3 balls got tipped at the line of scrimmage. But otherwise, the kid impressed the hell out of me. That was one high pressure situation and Cody never flinched. He typically delivered the ball on the money and he was clearly a very effective leader. Considering this was his first snap in college, he hasn’t played an actual game in 1.5 years, the team is digging out of a big hole and he’s under the microscope for being the coach’s kid… he really was fantastic. Meanwhile Scotty McKnight got open and caught everything thrown his way. The redshirt freshman walk-on was the leading receiver in the game on either side of the ball. Hugh got injured in the first drive but another redshirt freshman, Demitrius Sumler, filled in admirably. Also, the TEs made strong contributions, as expected. And then there was the play calling. Certainly the most creative and sometimes cooky game plan we’ve seen in these parts in a long, long time. That kind of stuff will win us some games and it will lose us some games but we will never be predictable again…

One more note. The very effective, well balanced offense that we saw Saturday was missing arguably its 3 best players in Hugh Charles, Josh Smith and Bernard Jackson. When those guys are on the field, we are going to be quite dangerous.


Defense:

The defense mightily struggled for the first 2 and a half quarters. CSU was moving the ball very effectively, particularly on 3rd down. Considering that this unit was the strength of last year’s team, their failures were shocking and disheartening. But down by 11 in the middle of the 3rd, the D stepped up and shut down CSU’s scoring allowing the offense to punch it’s way back into it and tie up the score to go into overtime. In overtime the D created it’s most pivotal play when T-Wheat intercepted a pass in the end zone to set the stage for the Buff victory. Let’s hope that the D thatfinished the game Saturday is the one we’ll see the rest of the season.

Also, my huge man crush of the week goes out to Jordan Dizon who tallied 20 tackes, 15 unassisted. Day-um!

Special teams:

Other than place kicking, this unit was pretty bad last year. Well, fear not, special teams should be a strength once again for the Buffs. The punting was solid, the place kicking was accurate and the returns were very good.


Overall grade:

Considering the importance of this game, the number of underclassmen starting and the venue, I give the Buffs an A.