Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Big XII Farewell Final Episode: Nebraska

Oh sweet baby Buddha, my fingers have been itching to type this missive.  Let us begin.

Friday will mark the final meeting between CU and the much hated Cornhuskers of Nebraska.

The two schools began competing with one another in football in the year of our lord 1898.  NU leads the all-time series 48-18-2.

Throw out the record books, y'all.  It all comes down to Friday.

Nearly all of my highest highs of Buff football and have come against the Fuskers.  So too have my lowest lows.

Nebraska, the emotion of playing you on an annual basis will never, ever, ever be replaced.  But that said, I will NOT miss you.

I despise you with every fiber of my being.

You are a shitty school.  Nothing more than a low class football factory.

Pelini, Frost, Steinkuhler (elder and younger),  Peter, Phillips, Crouch and Osborne - wankers all.  Especially Osborne.

Your steroid tainted and weak non-conference opponent padded records should shame your fans and alums.  Instead they collectively whistle past those graveyards.

[Do this:  Google "Steroids Nebraska".  If 20 of us do it simultaneously we'll melt Google's data centers.]

Your self-declared "classiest fans in America" are an overweight, polyester-clad, delusional army of fuckwits.  As a whole, the ugliest cult on earth.

As you leave the Big XII, notice that no one is sorry to see you go.  Also notice that no Big 10 partisans are exactly leaping with joy at the prospect of you marching your stinking army of condescending asshats through their otherwise respectable stadiums.

The Big 8 and Big XII tolerated your academic admissions leniency for athletes.  So too the manner in which you "tutored" your scholar athletes.  I predict the Big 10 will not be so generous lest you ruin their academic credibility.  Goodbye throngs of Nebraska "Academic All-Americans".  What a grand charade that has been.

So how best to bid a long overdue adieu to my ancient arch nemesis?

How about a song?  Lyrics are to the tune of the White Stripes "Seven Nation Army":

I'm gonna fight "N" off
A seven nation army couldn't hold me back
They've always pissed me off
Taking their steroids right behind my back

And I'm talking to myself this time

Because I can't forget

Back and forth through my mind
Like a triple threat
And the message coming from my eyes
Says beat "N" at home!

Don't want to hear about it

Every single one's got a story to tell

Everyone knows about it
From the NCAA to the hounds of hell

And if I catch you coming back my way

I'm gonna serve it to you

And that aint what you want to hear
But thats what I'll do
And the feeling coming from my bones
Says sack "N" at home!

I'm going to Pac 12 yon

Far from this opera for evermore

But before I'm gone
I'll rip the heart out of every Corn
Oh you're bleeding, and you're bleeding, and you're bleeding
Right before Osborne
All your sins are gonna bleed from me
And I will sing no more
And the stains coming from your blood
Tell me beat "N" at home!

I wish you pain and suffering forevermore.
"Hey diddle, diddle, we're coming up the middle!"  62-36 forever.

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