Big XII Farewell #7: Kansas State

Saturday will mark the final meeting of long-time conference foes, CU and Kansas State.

CU and KSU first met on the gridiron in 1912.  The Buffs lead the all-time series 44-20-1.

K-State you will NOT be missed.

Why do I dislike Kansas State.  Oh, I have my reasons.  And I've ranted on about them many times before (here and here for example).

First and foremost, the school is a joke.  K-State makes CSU look like frickin' MIT.  I guarantee you this - you have never met a person in your entire life who could not be admitted to KSU.  I imagine the K-State admissions office banter sounds a bit like this: "Moron?  Come on in.  Miscreant?  Happy to have you.  Felon?  Bygones.  Satan?  Any friend of Bill Snyder's is a friend ouf ours!"

Second, KSU's success over the past 15 years, while impressive, is super suspicious.  I mean this is a school of meager means, comes from a geography with a limited athletic talent pool, and had been the losingest program in the history of Division I college football.  Yet suddenly, overnight they start winning 9 to 10 games a season.  Yes, Bill Snyder is a very good coach and, yes, they can get athletes into their school (as previously noted) that others cannot.  But even still, it does not add up.  Years from now scientists will discover that we were all unwittingly drugged or otherwise duped throughout the 90s and Oughts.  They'll find that Bill Snyder has the power to bend time and space like a sci-fi movie where all the characters suddenly freeze in suspended animation while the villain walks around their still, mid-stride bodies and unties their shoe laces or punches them in the yarbles.  Then suddenly time begins again and - "Holy shit, what just happend?  We lost to K-State?  Ow, my balls!"

Third, Kansas State has the worst mascot.  The logo itself is an affront to good taste and is the apparent consequence of the sudden unemployment of USFL helmet designers.  And the live mascot is, come on, nothing but a regular guy with a giant stuffed head.  K-State mascot costume designer, you put a whole 2 minutes of thought into this thing (yet were probably the valedictorian of you class).  Finally, this ridiculous mascot makes ridiculouser videos.  Behold:



Fourth, Bill Snyder is clearly a vampire.  He has gray, translucent skin.  He is clearly very old, yet never ages.  Six years ago he dropped out of sight for 4 years then he suddenly, mysteriously reappeared in a puff of smoke and resumed his post on the sidelines of K-State - and nobody blinked an eye!  He has special, creepy, evil and confounding powers and he must be stopped - yet can't be stopped.  For he is fated to walk the earth for all time, feeding on the blood of junior college transfers and weak, non-conference opponents.  Fear him!

Snyder seen here sinking his fangs into Mack Brown's unsuspecting neck.

I could go on about my disdain for KSU.  But I shan't.

So, what will happen in this final chapter of the CU-KSU story?

Well the ISU game was best of season for CU - maybe the best of last 2-3 seasons.  Can the Buffs maintain the Cabral momentum?  Saturday will be a very special Senior Day at Folsom Field honoring the likes of Scotty McKnight, Nate Solder, Jimmy Smith, BJ Beattie and Cody Hawkins.  The Buffs will be jacked and absolutely light it up the Wildcats!  The forces of good will at last overcome the evil of K-State and send them back to Hell with a devastating loss.  Either that or we'll all suddenly be looking around screaming, "Ow, my balls!"

So bye-bye, KSU.  We will not miss you and your embarrassment of an institution.  When the Big XII self-destructs in exactly two years, you will almost certainly wind up in Conference USA and you (like CU in the Pac 12) will be home at last.  That said, you will dominate your crappy, mid-major conference as Boise State does the WAC.  And Bill Snyder's evil plan to win a national championship will at last be realized.  Sweet baby Buddha, save our mortal souls.