The Fortbillies

Greetings, and welcome to 2009. The Buffs will open the campaign once again versus the Rammies of Colorado A&M. Steve Fairchild begins his second season in Fort Fun with a new quarterback and essentially an all new D.

Meanwhile, Dan Hawkins kicks off his fourth year in Boulder with something to prove. Leading the proving will be a talented and huge offensive line featuring multiple NFL bound uglies. Standing behind that line is a collection of talented running backs preparing to do unspeakable things to the CSU defense. We don't have any idea who the starting QB will be and, so says I, it does not matter. The QB needs to make good decisions this year, not carry the team. Cody Hawkins, Tyler Hansen or some combination thereof will be more than serviceable. Concerns remain about depth and talent at WR (still?) but together with the TEs, they'll keep defenses honest. Make no mistake, this is a running offense.

Meanwhile, the Buff defense will be good, quite good. We have an embarrassment of riches at both LB and CB. Defensive Line has talent but nearly all of it is unproven. If the DL pups can step up, this unit may be the best we've had in 6-7 years.

Sadly, the special teams will probably suck. Except for punting where Darrell Scott (!) will rotate with Matt DiLallo. Fake!

This year's Rocky Mountain Showdown will be held in Boulder. Wishing to be hospitable to our agrarian guests, I decided to write a song. I don't know exactly what kind of music the gomers listen to up there in Fort Collins but I'll bet it features banjos, washboards and a jug. So behold, my first (and last) country song. Sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies. Ahem...

Come & listen to a story 'bout a man named Steve
Poor WAC head coach, blew his nose on his sleeve
Wanted some respect so he took on the Buffs
But old Dan Hawkins he called his bluffs

Well the next thing you know the Rams are at Folsom Field
CSU players ask, "What will this trip yield?"
Dan Hawkins said, "Boys, welcome to my house."
"We'll to treat you real kind so don't you grouse."

Dan went on to say, "Y'all I am a Zen Master"
I been recruitin' players who are bigger and faster
I'm known to smoke weed and wear a toga
And you know that everyday my players do yoga

(true)

See yoga is the route to true inner calm
Always wear sunscreen and use lip balm
I drop non sequiturs like they're goin' out of style
A quirky stoner trait that makes folks smile

Now if you don't mind, let's play some ball
Let's flip the coin, Steve you make the call
Heads you win, you get the ball first
Here's some herbal tea, it'll quench your thirst

Rams take the field and have the rock
Rookie QB hopes these dolts can block
First play from scrimmage, Jimmy Smith pick six!
Heads are spinnin', those Aggies from the sticks

Things for the Rams, they don't get better
Steve Fairchild's pants they're just getting wetter
Trot on the field, the mammoth Buff o-line
Students in the stands are smoking da 'kine

First, D Sumler makes a 20 yard gain
CSU's defense appears to be in pain
Hicks, don't look now 'cause here's Darrell Scott
Goin' off tackle on a 50 yard trot

Touchdown!

Well that's how it goes, the game is a romp
Rocky Mountain Showdown is nothin' but a stomp
What's that on their bench - is it a vulture?
Feasting on a student of the school of agriculture

Well thanks now cousins, we'll see you next year
We think your mascot is a tad bit queer
But here in Boulder we value diversity
So you can be our friend but you can't go to our University