Greetings to you our honored guest of Buffalo Colorado team of football.
We are please to make your visit to our country, Glorious Nation of West Virginiastan. Our motto "The 3rd world, here in America". So happy are we to be move up from 4th world - that was real shit place, no? Ha, ha ha ha!
Not often that the people of many United States come to visit Glorious West Virginiastan. Because mostly they do not know where are we. Also because we burn and eat them. (long pause) I make joke! Ha ha ha ha. After big rain of summer we no have fire to them burn... (trails off wistfully)
So come, come. Sit and I will teach of customs of my country. Please enjoy this traditional drink of make friendship. We call it "moonshinesktrzyg". With this we celebrate many occasions of things important - like game of football! Also weddings and stealing of goat. Drink friends, to West Virginiastan and new friends Buffalo Colorados, Drink!
(Everyone raises glass, drinks, then guests all spew the liquid into the air, choking and gagging. Krygstor smacks his lips and gazes approvingly at his empty glass.)
Yes, the moonshinesktrzyg is fresh just today from second best mule in town. Still warm too.
I will now tell you of my country for you to know better. We have many beautiful mountains which since big rain of summer no longer have burning... (trails off wistfully) Too we have much literacy and intelligent peoples - much better than those dipshits in Nebraskastan, no? Ha, ha, ha ha! Our main product of export is the, err, supplement so good - you know it as "Meth". We know it as "make sexy, fun, happy vitamin."
Our fine very University is of what we are most proud. It here is where our most promising youths learn skill and make party. Many students learn practice of chemistry in make the "vitamin" for export. Also bombs. We too train on career of make sexy time for money - you call it prostitution - very profitable for the young people. But most important we make the team football.
Here football is sacred activity. We make teams to have great battles with many schools of United States. Our players are heaped with much moonshinesktrzyg and prostitutes. But it is mostly special "vitamin" that makes them run so fast and hit so hard to make the bleeding. And the always gunfire.
So again, much welcome new friends Buffaloes. Now onto the grassy place for make football game and much pain!
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