Hey UT, look over there at the big distracting thing!

Hey Texas, look over there! It's Oklahoma, just one week away. Oh my, the Red River Rivalry looms large. Sure, Bob Stoops' bunch has dropped 2 games already in this young season. But when these two great teams get together, you can throw out the proverbial record books! Oh Nelly, I can hardly wait.

Mack Brown, you have to treat the OU game like the National Title Game. A win in Dallas could set you on the definitive track to the second National Title of your career. Think about it! You're a wildly successful coach at Texas but still second fiddle to that dead jackass, Darrell Royal. Win the title this year and they might change the name of your stadium from "Darrell K Royal - Memorial Stadium" to "Mack Brown Stadium". The kids will probably call it something cute like "The Brown House" or "The Mack Shack". But first you gotta beat OU.

And Colt McCoy! Dude, you could win the Heisman this year. Shoot, Tebow is out with a bruised brain. Sam Bradford is sitting with a Mormon induced shoulder injury. Colt, the trophy is yours for the taking! But if you don't beat big, bad Oklahoma all bets are off. Those damned East coast voters would probably love to give the Heisman to Eric Berry just to be cute. Make a statement at the Shootout in Dallas and they can't deny your claim to the little stiff-armer.

Will Muschamp, UT Defensive coordinator. I know you're a badass and the "coach in waiting" after Mack retires but don't be comfortable. An intense dude like you has to stay hungry. And what gets your blood boiling more than the smug visage of the be-visored Bob Stoops? Oh, they call him an "offensive genius". Harumph! You'll show him a who the genius is when your squad stones his O.

UT fans! You'd better be packing the car for that roadtrip to Dallas next week. You know those Dirt Burglers from up north are massing on the border at this very moment, preparing to take over the Cotton Bowl Stadium. Represent, Horns! You've got to show up big for this neutral field game. The crowd could be the difference. Man, I'll bet you're planning a tailgate party that is destined to become the stuff of legend...

'Horns, you better be focused on the OU matchup, it's the key to the season. And make sure your players are healthy. Don't risk getting anyone injured in this week's game. The big show is next week!

Hey by the way, who do you play this week? Oh, it's just Colorado. I hear those guys suck. Lost to Toledo, coached by Dan Hawkins, quarterbacked by a midget. Those hippies are probably planning to cancel football once and for all at that school. No need to worry about those guys. CU is nothing and you, UT, are Number 2 in the country - on your way to Number 1 if you can beat the hated Sooners next week. Meanwhile, Colorado is headed to the toilet. If a team like that plays the #2 team in the country, you just know they'll fold. That is all. Goodnight. You can stop reading right here and go get some rest for that big upcoming OU game! Good luck! Bye.