The day after Thanksgiving will once again witness the acrimonious meeting of the Buffaloes and the Cornhuskers. As the saying goes, in a rivalry game like this, throw out the record books! So how on Earth are we to handicap such a game? Why, with selective comparisons of dubious validity, of course! Shall We?
1) Coaching Staffs (Staves?): NU has first year head coach and rage-aholic Bo Pelini leading the ship. He's added emotion and a modicum of defensive competence to the Huskers team. The Buffs have 3rd year Zen master Dan Hawkins spreading the wisdom and love in Boulder. Dan's a pacifist but in an insane and unpredictable way. Bo's a hot head who you suspect is a serial killer. Advantage - Nebraska.
2) Quarterbacks: NU has strong armed Joe Gantz under center in his first full year as a starter. He's chucking the ball with authority and racking up impressive stats. Cody Hawkins has re-emerged from the bench to add spunk and shortness to the Buff offense. Joe once desecrated an ancient Egytian mummy's crypt by farmer-blowing a loogy into it. Cody's smile cures cancer. Advantage - Colorado.
3) States: Nebraska is arguably the bread-basketest of all midwestern states where hard working folk grow and harvest food for a hungry planet. Colorado boasts stunning natural beauty and economic and technological vitality that is the envy of the Mountain states region. Colorado is an international outdoor tourists destination while Nebraska is #55 on the the average American's "must see US states or territories" list. Advantage - Colorado
4) Fan Base: Nebraska fans are dedicated and knowledgeable. They sell out every home game going back to the days of Jesus. Each and every fan knows every single player on the team - their up-to-minute career stats, hometown, favorite bible passage and inseam length. Colorado fans are fickle, rarely sell out their smallish stadium, have no idea who is the team's leading receiver and are mostly high. NU fans are ugly and CU fans are gorgeous. Advantage - Colorado
So in summary, Colorado has distinct advantages in 3 of the 4 categories of comparison. Clearly CU wins in a route not unlike the Grenada invasion. I strongly suggest that you wager what's left of your 401K on the Buffs. Operators are standing by.
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