Silliness in Stillwater

OMG, the buffs are 3-7 and in disarray. They've lost to CSU, Toledo and Iowa State all in the same season - the rare crap tri-fecta! They haven't won a road game in over two years. The athletic department is broke. The coach is almost certainly about to be fired. And into Stillwater go the hapless Buffs for a Thursday night matchup against the talented and cash flush #12 ranked Cowboys of Oklahoma State.

So who will win this tilt? It's obvious you say? Well not so fast, my friend. Have you ever heard of the "Theory of the Worst Haircut"? Obviously not because I just made that shit up. The Theory goes like this - the team coached by the guy with the least bad haircut wins. So let's examine our competitors, shall we?

The battle of the haircuts.

Dan Hawkins. We got to know Dan Hawkins four long years ago as the goofy, gregarious, rambling and mostly lovable tousle haired prodigy:


[Tousle haired genius]

Well, the genius thing didn't really work out. Dan searched for an answer. And the answer he found was - change your hairstyle, that should solve everything.

[The gel, the gel, Oh God, the gel!]

Surprisingly, this solution did not pan out.

But Messier Hawkins will have some serious competition for worst haircut in "Oklahoma State T. Boone Pickens Tribute to Money That I Have and You Don't Stadium" on Thursday night. My lord, will he have some fierce competition. Meet Mike Gundy:

[That's not gel. Pure rage enables this hair style.]

In addition to being a joyless prick, Coach Gundy is a lifelong Cowboy having started four years as OSU's quarterback back in the '80s. I remember it well and this makes me feel old. But if you think Mike's current haircut is frightening, you should have seen it then.

[In my mind's eye, every male In Stillwater still sports this doo.]

So the coaching hairstyle competition is too close to call. Must mean the game is a tossup!

Here are the reasons the Buffs *might* win.

1. OSU's excellent QB, Zac Robinson, got his damned head plumb knocked off last week.



2. OSU's next and final regular season game is against their much hated rival, Oklahoma. Perhaps, like Texas, they'll be distracted by the Big Distracting Thing.
   
3. Dan Hawkins is a walking deadman. His job is almost certainly over in, like, 10 days time. You do not want to fight a man who has nothing, I mean nothing, to lose. You cannot defend terminal crazy.
   
4. The Buffs always inexplicably beat one good team per year. We thought that had already happened this year when we beat then #17 KU. But subsequent evidence reveals that Kansas is a bad, holy moly, super bad team. Neither do A&M nor Wyoming qualify as good teams. So, who knows, maybe OSU is this year's victim?