Big XII Farewell #4: Oklahoma

Saturday evening will mark the final game between OU and CU before the Buffs scamper off to the greener fields of the Pac 12. Colorado began its long relationship with Oklahoma way back in 1912. CU won that match 14-12. But over the years, the Sooners have dominated the series leading the Buffs 39-17-2.

I will miss OU.

For me, the most iconic image of OU is the drunken, reckless, lawless red-neck genius, Barry Switzer. Said differently, he's the Micky Mantle of college football. He was the proprietor of the beloved wishbone and inspired Coach Mac to follow in his triple optiony footsteps. Barry was forever off-color, indelicate and rabid with gleeful disregard for decorum and NCAA rules. But he was an undeniable winner and for that I will always honor him. Also, he was prone to doing interviews like this:



The other icon of OU is, of course, the Boz. Brian Bosworth was a spiritual soul mate of his afore mentioned coach. He was brash, unrefined and unapologetic. He broke every rule, repeatedly, especially those involving performance enhancing drugs. He also broke every rule (of good taste anyway) of haircuts - behold the mohawk mullet (the "Mulhawk"?). In a classic moment, he once flipped off the entire CU student section who were collectively taunting him.

I suppose the thing I've liked the most about OU over the years is their hatred for Nebraska. And the Sooners inflicted plenty of pain upon the dickish plainsmen of NU. Hey, the enemy of my enemy is my friend, no?

Of course, the current version of the Sooners don't have the same lovable brashness of the Switzer era. They are led by the successful and talented but patently unlikeable Bob Stoops. They are consistently top notch yet still melt in their most critical games. And, god, Stoops is such a whiney bitch.

So what to expect in this final matchup between the long-time conference mates?

OU is very good. And very angry after coming off of their first defeat of the season courtesy of Mizzou. So they will be looking to incinerate the next opponent in order to make a statement that they belong in a BCS game - still possibly the Championship. That unfortunate next opponent is a Buff team that, already shaky, has been positively decimated by injuries. We've lost our 2 leading tackers (Perkins then Major), our second leading rusher (Lockridge), every damned one of our nickelbacks (Orms, Sandersfiled, Vigo) and now our starting quarterback (Hanson).

On top of that, the Sooners have not lost at home in 5 years. That's right, FIVE YEARS.

So to say that the Buffs have absolutely no chance is to state the obvious.

Yet long time readers of this blog will recall another team led by a certain Cody Hawkins who dared to stand up to a number 2 ranked Sooners Evil Empire. This will forever be known as the Star Wars game . And I think we all remember how that turned out.



So how will the final episode conclude? Hey, maybe the rebel coalition has one more lucky shot.

At any rate, we will miss you, OU. I hope that when the BIG XII ultimately disintegrates in 2 years time, that you will win up in a good conference. You'll likely have your pick of the litter - SEC or Big 10. Shoot maybe we'll be re-united one day in the Pac 12 expansion. Until then, farewell old friend.

Big XII Farewell #3: Texas Tech

Saturday will mark the final Big XII meeting between CU and Texas Tech. These teams do not have a long and storied relationship. CU leads the all-time series 5-4 with a 4-0 mark in Boulder. Guess where this week's game will be played?

Texas Tech - you will be missed.

Tech is like that red-neck cousin of yours.

No, not the irritating, mouth-breathing, illiterate, fanatical, raving lunatic red-neck cousin - that would be Nebraska.

Rather, Tech is the colorful, fun red-neck cousin. Tech is the cousin you only see every couple of years but when you do, hoo-boy! He keeps you laughing, tells off-color jokes, gets you drunk, teaches you how to shoot beer bottles off fence posts while driving a pickup, builds bon-fires , burns your garage down ("sorry cuz"), gets you to hop a freight train, somehow winding up in Honduras, getting elected mayor of a small pueblo, starting a weapons smuggling cartel, becoming employed by the CIA, making $1 million dollars in a particularly shady transaction with some guy named Vlad, flying to Vegas, losing the million, hitching back home just as you are sobering up. All in a weekend.

We love you, Tech. But we're getting a little old for this shit. We'll be hanging with a better class of people from now on but, damn, we had some good times together. OK, OK one more weekend fling, but it's the last one!

Of course, my memories of Tech will always revolved around the indomitable Cap'n Mike Leach. The kooky pirate of college football turned Texas Tech into an entertaining and fearsome football program. On top of that Leach did the impossible, made Lubbock interesting. Why here he is now doing the local weather.

If you can't make time to watch the whole thing, at least fast forward to the 2:30 mark. Two words - raining mud. You're welcome.

But alas, Cap'n Mike befell the fate of misunderstood genius and was last year relieved of duty. Happy sailing to you, good sir. We'll always have Honduras...

So the new sheriff in Lubbock these days is Tommy Tuberville, he the former Auburn boss and possessor of giant ears.

While the Tuberville offense is humming along suitably, if comparatively un-Leach-like, the defense has really turned into a pile of flaming poo. Those guys cannot tackle anybody. Such bodes well for Tyler Hanson and his band of fiesty yet disaffected brethren. Tommy has the cure for what ails you, boys, and it's called "horizontal defense", Tech style.

Buffs win the final match with the fun cousin. 42-21.

Farewell, Red Raiders. We wish you well. When the Big XII disintegrates in two years - which it inevitably will - we hope you find a good home. You'd genuinely love it in the Mountain West I suspect.

Adios, amigo.

Big XII Farewell #2: Baylor

Saturday will mark the final time that our Buffs will play Baylor.

Baylor, you will not be missed.

Your school of Baptist affiliation has been a parochial blemish on an otherwise secular conference. If religion is your thing, fine. But let's save it for Sunday school and keep it out of the universities, yo. Apologies to Notre Dame, Boston College and BYU - but you too are not welcome in my athletic conference.

Your school is located in Waco, Texas, a place I've never been. Yet it is widely slandered even among Texans. Therefore a rational man can only concluded that , "Holy Jebus, that place is a shithole".

"True dat," adds Janet Reno.

Additional ridicule fodder sits in the University president's office. His name is Kenneth Starr who spent the better half of the '90s literally obsessed with the whereabouts of Bill Clinton's wiener. Now he's in charge of educating the young Baptists of Central Texas.

And the final reason I dislike Baylor... two words Jeff Brunner. In 1993, Buff defensive tackle Jeff Brunner - the finest football player ever to emerge from the hallowed halls of Sterling High School - was rolled up on in a pileup early in the contest that would become a severe beating of the Bears by the Buffs. Jeff's knee was torn to shreds and he never played football again. Curses, Baylor [shakes fist angrily]!

So what now to expect of this final contest between the Buffs and the Baptists?

Well, Baylor is quite good on offense. They sport one of the finest quarterbacks in the Big XII - a gent with the very august name of Robert Griffin III. RG3 is the most terrifying sort of QB - the fabled "dual threat". Think of him as the praying man's Denard Robinson.

But the Buff D fears no man and has been the most consistently good unit of an otherwise wildly inconsistent team. Sadly though the defensive backfield has been devastated throughout the season by unfortunate injuries to key personnel. The most recent of the attrits is leading tackler Anthony Perkins - the helmut-less human flight pioneer from the Mizzou match. His was one of the most horrific collisions I've witnessed in my long football witnessing career. Perkins asploded his ACL on this play just before halftime but still played the rest of the game. We'll miss you, Anthony, but I promise you a special feature in an upcoming edition of "Profiles in Badassery."

On the other side of the ball, more bad news. Tyler Hansen has suffered a bruised ego as a result of his inexplicable benching in the 3rd quarter of the Mizzou game. In additional injury news, Brain Lockridge, who had become an excellent #2 in the suddenly potent Colorado 1-2 punch ground game, also suffered a season ending injury. Not good. However, Baylor's defense has become accustomed half-heartedly gesturing at opposing ball carriers as they rumble past en route to the end zone. So we're going to score some points.

However don't expect those points to come in batches of 3. The horrendous CU kicking game continued apace in the Mizzou game where both Aric Goodman and Justin Castor took turns at failure. Both those gents have been relieved of duty in order to make way for Marcus Kirkwood - the giant beanpole of a kicker who (brace yourself) will be playing in the first football game of his life on Saturday against Baylor. Hey, what do we have to lose - let the beanpole legend begin!

The last bit of notable good news is that, despite the road woes, the Buffs home turf is thus far unblemished. The presence of Ralphie makes the Buffs strong.

We win this final match with Baylor before riding off into the West Coast sunshine leaving Baylor to ride out the remaining short life of the Big XII. When the conference inevitably disintegrates in two years time, I fully expect for Baylor to land in the Sunbelt or some equally obscure conference where they should have been from the beginning. Weep if you must, Bears. You can seek solace in the caring arms of your lord and savior, Kenneth Starr.

Big XII Farewell #1: Missouri

[This post begins the series of last Big XII conference games for CU. I will commemorate each with a special salute to our soon to be former conference mates.]

Saturday will mark the final time that our Buffs will play long-time foe, the Missouri Tigers.

CU & MU have played nearly every year since 1930 with the exception of some brief depression and war-era hiatuses. Mizzou leads the all-time series with a record of 40-31-3.

I don't have a problem with Missouri, I've always kind of liked them. Shoot, they wear Black and Gold, they are the alma mater of two legendary Buff coaches (McCartney & Barnett) and they despise Nebraska almost as much as we do. Almost. The most annoying thing they do is run up the score on us during the Hawkins administration and I can forgive that.

The other thing that is sort of inspiring about Mizzou is their current coach, Gary Pinkel. Pinkel came to Mizzou from a mid-tier school, Toledo, where he had experienced extraordinary success. But upon arriving in the big time of the Big XII, his performance became middling to poor for 4 or 5 years. He seemed to be a bit of a bone-head and was solidly in the the proverbial hot seat. Does this story sound familiar so far? But then suddenly in year 5 of Pinkel's administration, the ship began to right itself and the hot seat became a hot streak which persists to this very day. It's an inspiring story of redemption and Dan Hawkins would like you to remember that.


My favorite player from Missoui was QB Chase Daniel. Chase was short, slow, white and pudgy. The only reason that a guy who looked like him should be allowed onto a Division 1 football field is to mow it. But Chase was an incredible quarterback and beat the hell of the Buffs and most everyone else he faced for 4 years. It was as amazing as it was frustrating to see him methodically complete pass after pass after pass. His is an inspiring story of a superlative talent in an atypical package and Cody Hawkins would like for you to remember that.

But of course the enduring memory of this long time series is the "5th Down". And, god, am I sick of hearing about it! Possibly the best thing about the Buffs leaving the Big XII is that we will no longer have to hear this story and all of the associated Missouri whining ever damned year. Look people, for the LAST time - yes, there were 5 downs, the officials made a mistake. But 5 plays were not run at the end-zone, only 3 were. The other two were spikes. If the down marker would have said 4 instead of 3, the Buffs would not have spiked the ball, they would have run it into the endzone as they did on the play where the marker actually read 4. So shut up. Forever.

Unlike so many of our Big XII and Big 8 conference bretheren, I'll sort of miss Mizzou. I wish them well. When the Big XII collapses, as it inevitably will in the next couple of years, I hope that Mizzou finds a good home. Possibly in the Big Ten or the SEC.

Fair thee well, old friends. But let our last encounter be sour for you as the Buffs go out with a bang and edge Mizzou in over-time. And needing only 4 downs to do so.