- Stuff Orange & Blue People Like (Florida)
- Stuff Black & Gold People Like (Iowa)
- Stuff Maize & Blue People Like (Michigan)
- Stuff Orange & White People Like (Tennessee)
- Stuff Orange & Green People Like (Miami)
- Stuff Red & Black People Like (Georgia)
(Of course, I don't have to tell you that in fact the University of Colorado official colors are Silver & Gold, not Black & Gold. Yet, Silver & Gold uniforms were outlawed in the mid 1920's when opponents complained that they were too shiny. However, the Glee Club declared them, "fabulous!".)
Thing 1 - Subtle Condescendance:
Look, we don't mean to be snooty or in your face. It's just that we deeply believe that we are better than you. From our incomparably beautiful campus to our Nobel laureates, astronauts and Supreme Court Justices.
Sure, your team may in fact clobber us on the field, but we still walk out of the the stadium with a quiet confidence of superiority. We don't hate you... it's just that we think it's tragic that you aren't as casually cool as we are. In our minds, we're the Mac guy and your the PC guy. Keep trying, sport. And good luck!Thing 2 - Tardiness:
Yes, we're well aware of the published kick-off time and we do know that they'll start without us.
That's cool, we'll get there eventually - probably by the start of the second quarter. You know, we were up kind of late last night. And we're currently in pursuit of our perfect game buzz. Sure, anyone can get a buzz on quickly and I'm sure our Big XII brethren all make their kickoffs on time. But frankly, we're just a tad too cool for that (see Thing 1).Thing 3 - "Other Activities":
OK, so it's true that we frequently do not sell out our entire 53K seat stadium. You think this is lame, of course. But, bro, you just don't understand.
In Colorado, we have so many "other activities" that compete for the attention of thinking sports lovers like ourselves. Why there's hiking, cycling and kayaking. Perhaps it's opening weekend for the ski resorts. Rockies in the World Series (!?), Concert at Red Rocks, factory sale at Pearl Izumi, Dali Lama is in town, etc. Don't get us wrong, we love our college football, it's just that we (unlike you) have so many awesome choices spread before us on a given Fall Saturday, it's just not fair (see Thing 1)!Thing 4 - The World's Toughest Schedule:
While your team is scheduling every directional school nobody has ever heard of, the Buffs seek out the most horrifying of opponents to stock our non-conference schedule. We say "bring it!" to the likes of Florida State, West Virginia, Arizona State, USC, Miami, Michigan and the like. This is what we do. It's who we are. Don't bring your "logic" of scheduling winnable games to ensure that you get to a bowl of some sort. We laugh at your logic and ask you to punch us directly in the face ("Owwww! Thank you!"). Of course it's not just our inherent bravery that causes us to do this. It's the fact that our fans may not come to the games if we don't schedule quality opponents (see Thing 3). Also, we tried scheduling a patsy a couple of years back. One humiliating loss to I-AA Montana State Bobcats later and, frankly, we don't see what you all like so much about scheduling patsies.
Thing 5 - Rushing the Field:
Ahhh yes, rushing the field. The spontaneous celebratory event that best demonstrates the spirit of collegiate athletics. The sheer unpolluted joy of an improbable victory culminates in the simultaneous spilling of humanity onto the playing surface to hug the heroe
s and tear down their goal posts. The mere mention of it causes tears to well in the eyes of any alum of any school. At CU, however, recent hard times have had the effect of elevating damned near any victory into the mass celebration that is the storming of the field. You may think us ridiculous and in fact stupid for such silly displays of emotion. And you may have a point there...Thing 6 - Pot:
Holy hell, Silver & Gold people love pot. Rocky Mountain High, ya damnnnned rig
ht. Sure, affection for the spleaf may not be unique to CU folk but I dare say our kind is on a whole different level (see Thing 1). Please, your little crush on gange is cute and innocent compared to our obsessive, stalker style love affair with the Maui Zowie. You see it's organic and we hippies love organic crap. "What do you mean it was grown in someone's basement hopped up on Miracle Grow, gimmee that damn you!" To celebrate our iconic herb, we hold a now famous celebration at 4:20 on 4/20 each year. (For the record, Buffalover does not himself indulge in the Kind but loves and supports his high-ass compatriots. Mom, really, I'm just high on life!)
