We interrupt your pleasantly quiet off season for this important announcement:
At long last, our destiny is fulfilled, we are with our people. The Pac-10: the domain of great research institutions, Nobel laureates, astronauts, fine arts, out-doors lovers, sophisticated alumni, liberal-mindedness and attractive people. Yes, this is where we've always belonged.
Need one more proof point? Mountains. 100% of all Pac-10 schools are within sight of actual mountains.
Exhibit A: Berkely
0% of the remaining 11 Big XII teams are within 200 miles of anything that resembles a mountain. They reside in flat, wretched wastelands.
Exhibit B: Lubbock
Frankly, I don't know why we were ever with those dorks. Sure, they may have been good at sports, but they had no style. We have style, we needed to be with people like us.
And think of the roadtrips - ugh! We were going to places like Lincoln, Ames, Columbia, Manhattan (KS), Lawrence, Stillwater, Norman, College Station, Waco, Lubbock and Austin (OK, Austin is cool). These places are the America that you do NOT want to see. Geographically unredeemable and inhabited by the slack-jawed and obese.
Never again. Now we'll go to lovely and sophisticated locales such as Berkeley, Palo Alto, Seattle, Eugene, Corvallis, Pullman (meh), Tempe, Tucson, Pasadena and Watts (the good part). Culturally relevant, progressive enclaves inhabited by the intellectual elite and handsome. Our people.
What's that? We may not be the only teams to join the Pac-10? Hmm, well I was just getting comfortable with the idea. But, hey, why not bring in a few more of the elite to join our cozy, charming conference? Wait - WHAT!? You want to bring in who else? Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Oklahoma and Oklahoma State? Aww crap, the neighborhood is getting ruined before we even moved in. Here they come, pulling up in their RV now...
