The day after Thanksgiving will once again witness the acrimonious meeting of the Buffaloes and the Cornhuskers. As the saying goes, in a rivalry game like this, throw out the record books! So how on Earth are we to handicap such a game? Why, with selective comparisons of dubious validity, of course! Shall We?
1) Coaching Staffs (Staves?): NU has first year head coach and rage-aholic Bo Pelini leading the ship. He's added emotion and a modicum of defensive competence to the Huskers team. The Buffs have 3rd year Zen master Dan Hawkins spreading the wisdom and love in Boulder. Dan's a pacifist but in an insane and unpredictable way. Bo's a hot head who you suspect is a serial killer. Advantage - Nebraska.
2) Quarterbacks: NU has strong armed Joe Gantz under center in his first full year as a starter. He's chucking the ball with authority and racking up impressive stats. Cody Hawkins has re-emerged from the bench to add spunk and shortness to the Buff offense. Joe once desecrated an ancient Egytian mummy's crypt by farmer-blowing a loogy into it. Cody's smile cures cancer. Advantage - Colorado.
3) States: Nebraska is arguably the bread-basketest of all midwestern states where hard working folk grow and harvest food for a hungry planet. Colorado boasts stunning natural beauty and economic and technological vitality that is the envy of the Mountain states region. Colorado is an international outdoor tourists destination while Nebraska is #55 on the the average American's "must see US states or territories" list. Advantage - Colorado
4) Fan Base: Nebraska fans are dedicated and knowledgeable. They sell out every home game going back to the days of Jesus. Each and every fan knows every single player on the team - their up-to-minute career stats, hometown, favorite bible passage and inseam length. Colorado fans are fickle, rarely sell out their smallish stadium, have no idea who is the team's leading receiver and are mostly high. NU fans are ugly and CU fans are gorgeous. Advantage - Colorado
So in summary, Colorado has distinct advantages in 3 of the 4 categories of comparison. Clearly CU wins in a route not unlike the Grenada invasion. I strongly suggest that you wager what's left of your 401K on the Buffs. Operators are standing by.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Bumper Stickers
The CU marketing department has been hard at work creating promotional bumper stickers for the 2008 season. Late though they may be, here are some of their gems:
Come fore the excitement. Stay Anyway. |
Ask us about our Aerospace Engineering program! |
Even smaller than you think |
Clearly High |
Oh yeah, we're bringing it out |
Breaking preconceptions one kick at a time |
Check out the views! |
Feel the potential! |
Not technically worse than last year |
The 2nd play of the 3rd series will be a reverse! |
Like the opening scene from Saving Private Ryan |
It's almost ski season! |
Reducing our carbon footprint by driving less |
Seeking not the target but to become the bow since 2006 |
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Cody, Cody, Cody!
[Editor's note: Buffalover is unable to author the blog this week. He's busy saving the planet from inefficient energy consumption - boo, pollution!! Filling in is Alison Suzanne Porterkounkel, CU sophomore Communications major and proud member of Chi Omega sorority.]
Oh. My. God!!!! Did you see that cute boy throw all of those touchdown passes!? Like, that other dorky boy was such an embarrassment in the first half against, I'm sure, the lamest team in the whole Big 12, Iowa State. But then Cody, who was all in trouble or whatever with his dad, came in and OMG - he was totally the bomb! He was, like, throwing all over the field and making first downs and controlling the clock and you know, like, not getting sacked and stuff. It was almost like he had a competent or healthy offensive line or something... as if!
You know, I always liked him best. Lately all of the other girls (shallow bitches) were all like "Tyler, Tyler, Tyler!" But not me, I was still like, "Cody, Cody, Cody!!!!" He's so cute! And he's so little, you just want to put him in your pocket!
And I don't want to be all like that or anything but I've got the biggest crush on Jimmy Smith. Eeeee! Totally dreamy! Tall and strong and fast and everything. It's like, where has this hottie been all season. But I saw him first! You bitches were all, like, "DJ Dykes is super cool", and like "I'm all about Jeff Smart". Not me, I was totally into Jimmy before you even knew he was a cornerback. A REALLY BIG cornerback. God, he is so IT!
Also - Cody, Cody, Cody!!! Aaaiiiiigh!
And so, there's this team, Okie State, coming to play this Saturday. I guess it's at night or something. And I guess they're supposed to be all good and stuff. You know, they score millions of points and all that. And their coach thinks he's just "A MAN!" or something. Whatevs! My boys Cody and Jimmy will show them what it's all about. Totally the hottest boys, EVER!!!!
Oh. My. God!!!! Did you see that cute boy throw all of those touchdown passes!? Like, that other dorky boy was such an embarrassment in the first half against, I'm sure, the lamest team in the whole Big 12, Iowa State. But then Cody, who was all in trouble or whatever with his dad, came in and OMG - he was totally the bomb! He was, like, throwing all over the field and making first downs and controlling the clock and you know, like, not getting sacked and stuff. It was almost like he had a competent or healthy offensive line or something... as if!You know, I always liked him best. Lately all of the other girls (shallow bitches) were all like "Tyler, Tyler, Tyler!" But not me, I was still like, "Cody, Cody, Cody!!!!" He's so cute! And he's so little, you just want to put him in your pocket!
And I don't want to be all like that or anything but I've got the biggest crush on Jimmy Smith. Eeeee! Totally dreamy! Tall and strong and fast and everything. It's like, where has this hottie been all season. But I saw him first! You bitches were all, like, "DJ Dykes is super cool", and like "I'm all about Jeff Smart". Not me, I was totally into Jimmy before you even knew he was a cornerback. A REALLY BIG cornerback. God, he is so IT!Also - Cody, Cody, Cody!!! Aaaiiiiigh!
And so, there's this team, Okie State, coming to play this Saturday. I guess it's at night or something. And I guess they're supposed to be all good and stuff. You know, they score millions of points and all that. And their coach thinks he's just "A MAN!" or something. Whatevs! My boys Cody and Jimmy will show them what it's all about. Totally the hottest boys, EVER!!!!
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Revenge upon the 'Clones
Remember what happened upon the turf in Ames, Iowa at last year's CU/ISU game? That's right, a very severe screwing administered at the "discretion" of a certain referee by the name of Clete Blakeman, Nebraskan and sworn enemy of all that is decent and good. Relive the magic here.
Clete's crime was punished the following week as the Buffs whom he cheated took out their frustration on the Huskers to the tune of 65 points. That was sweet, indeed, but the book shall not be closed on the great Blakeman Blunder until CU finally gets that win against Iowa State. That day will arrive on Saturday.
Please understand that I have no ill will toward ISU. They are a good little school, they wear uniforms that are strikingly similar to USC's and they are one of 2 schools in the Big XII that hail from Blue states. All in all, there is a lot to love about those kids from Ames. But the Buffs must crush them severely and without mercy this Saturday until the field runs red with Iowa State blood. Nothing personal.
Clete's crime was punished the following week as the Buffs whom he cheated took out their frustration on the Huskers to the tune of 65 points. That was sweet, indeed, but the book shall not be closed on the great Blakeman Blunder until CU finally gets that win against Iowa State. That day will arrive on Saturday.
Please understand that I have no ill will toward ISU. They are a good little school, they wear uniforms that are strikingly similar to USC's and they are one of 2 schools in the Big XII that hail from Blue states. All in all, there is a lot to love about those kids from Ames. But the Buffs must crush them severely and without mercy this Saturday until the field runs red with Iowa State blood. Nothing personal.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)